This month, we turn to Mary, an artist and photographer who has traveled widely and was educated in Ireland. Stylelife dispatched our man Evolve to learn about what gets Mary’s attention, what causes her to put a man in friend zone, and how polished diction and vocal control can be incredibly sexy attributes.
Stylelife: What is it about the person you’re currently seeing or the person you were most recently seeing that made you romantically interested in them?
Mary: The fact that he was tenacious, he didn’t give up immediately. Sort of, working at getting me to go out with him.
Stylelife: Can you give some examples?
Mary:: He kind of figured out what interests I had, asked to hang out. He paid attention to the small interests and hobbies I had.
Stylelife: What’s the most common way a guy hits on you?
Mary: They’re really obvious; they go straight out and call me pretty. They use general and, sort of, physical comments.
Stylelife: Like what? What do you consider to be too obvious?
Mary: The things they say. Like, one guy said, “Do you know you’re pretty?” Another guy said he’d take me away for the weekend, within just a few minutes of meeting me.
Stylelife: What’s the creepiest thing guys do when they’re hitting on you?
Mary: It’s when a guy is hitting on you and clearly checking out every other girl in the same room. It’s not totally creepy, it’s just disrespectful. We know you’re going, “If she shoots me down, I’ll just move on to the next one.” Or, like a guy said to me, “You’re so hot, let’s make out in my car.” That’s creep. It’s skeezy and creepy.
I was dating this guy and when I was sick. I told him on the phone that I was sick and when he showed up at my place he had soup and flowers and blankets to take care of me. That was super-romantic.
Stylelife: What’s the most romantic thing any person has ever done for you?
Mary: I was dating this guy and when I was sick. I told him on the phone that I was sick and when he showed up at my place he had soup and flowers and blankets to take care of me. That was super-romantic.
Stylelife: Have you ever friend zoned a guy who was attracted to you?
Mary: I wasn’t attracted to him.
Stylelife: Were you ever interested in him?
Mary: Not romantically, No.
Stylelife: What does a guy do — or maybe not do — in order for you to exile him to friend zone?
Mary: Certain personalities I have a bad reaction to. I feel like certain people don’t vibe with me.
Stylelife: Has there been a guy who escaped from friend zone? Maybe you didn’t feel like you vibe’d with him at first, but he changed your mind?
Mary: No. There were times that I tried to change that friend zone feeling but it ended up seeming like we were dragging on for no reason.
Stylelife: Have you ever been interested someone that you eventually had to friend zone?
Stylelife: What did he do (or not do) that landed him there?
Mary: It just turned out that we were incompatible, because we were into very different things. It felt like it was bad timing for a relationship and good time for friendship. We were at different places and it didn’t feel like it would have worked out.
Mary: A guy I was dating recently put it into his head that I wasn’t into him. He started ignoring me instead of talking to me. And when I confronted him about it, and told him I was interested, he was surprised. And then be became incredibly interested, but he had already killed the spark, because I knew he didn’t want to put any effort in until it was too late.
Stylelife: And too late was when?
Mary: When I had to tell him I was interested in him, after he was beginning to disappear. It’s important to let someone know you like them at some point.
Stylelife: Tell us about the best date you’ve been on.
Mary: Taking a train to Scotland, and spending the day running around Glasgow. I had been seeing this guy and we called each other every day, and there was a lot of crazy running around and going on adventures. We saw that there was a deal on weekend train trips to Scotland.
Stylelife: What was the result?
Mary: It turned out to be a fling. He was married. We dated for two months. He broke up with me very suddenly, and he called the next day and said, “I’m coming over and I want to talk.” He made up a lie about his ex calling and saying she loved him. His roommate told me it was actually his wife who lived in a different country. He was just in the United Kingdom studying.
Stylelife: How much influence do your friends have on your dating life?
Mary: Maybe like 30%.
Stylelife: Have you ever dated someone that your friends didn’t like?
Stylelife:: Why didn’t they like him?
Mary: It was just one friend who didn’t. She didn’t give me a reason other than the fact that I met him at a bar. I thought the guy was nice and genuine. I’m still friends with him and not with her anymore.
Stylelife: How important is the first kiss?
Mary: So-so. It depends on the guy.
Stylelife: And have you ever been the one to initiate it?
Mary: Yeah! I’ve actually initiated quite a lot. I’m kind of impatient and I get annoyed a lot of the time that I have to be the one to initiate it.
Stylelife: Have you found guys to be kind of timid?
Mary: Not all. A lot, though.
For aggressive or timid guys, it’s all about feeling the vibe. If the girl is leaning in, touching your shoulder or leg, come on! Go for it. But don’t try and just stick your tongue down their throat when you do.
Stylelife: Any advice for guys on kissing?
Mary: For aggressive or timid guys, it’s all about feeling the vibe. If the girl is leaning in, touching your shoulder or leg, come on! Go for it. But don’t try and just stick your tongue down their throat when you do.
Stylelife: How do you define sense of humor, as far as flirting is concerned? (When a woman says, “sense of humor is important,” what does that mean?)
Mary: Sense of humor is important because to be compatible with someone you need to be able to make another person laugh. There’s a difference between having a sense of humor and flirting with a sense of humor. Its humor plus sexual attraction.
Stylelife: How do you define confidence, as far as dating is concerned? (When a woman says, “confidence is important,” what does that mean?)
Mary: It’s important because when I’m out with a guy I don’t want him to constantly ask me questions. A little indecision is okay, but I don’t want a guy asking me if I’m “okay” all the time.
Stylelife: Do you think guys would benefit from taking a course on seduction and dating?
Stylelife: Would knowing he took a course on dating and seduction change your opinion of him?
Mary: Probably not. I just don’t think I have much of an opinion on it.
Stylelife: Are there any hobbies that turn you off?
Mary: Strange fetishes.
Stylelife: Okay, but I’m talking about non-sexual types of things.
Mary: I’m not that big into sports. I don’t mind it, but if you’re going to go on and on about it – I could care less.
Stylelife: Is there a hobby that turns you on?
Mary: Artistic people – people who like to draw. I consider myself to be artistic, so I feel like we have the same frame of mind, common likes and interests.
Stylelife: Do you see patterns in the people you date? (Guys who are smart, bad boys, nice guys, etc.)
Mary: It’s a slight pattern. It’s kind of a pattern that I don’t really enjoy, but yeah there’s a pattern.
Stylelife: Why do you think you’re attracted to that type of guy?
Mary: I tend to be attracted to the shy, mysterious, intellectual type, but they don’t seem to be able to communicate well with other people. I get bored from the lack of communication.
Stylelife: If you had to pick one person to date, real or fictional, who would it be?
Mary: Michael Fassbender. – Not including looks, what qualities made you choose them? Because he’s Irish and German. I think he’s very talented and his voice, kind of, melts me a little bit.
Stylelife: So the real answer is “Magneto” from the X-Men: First Class film?
Mary: Yes, Magneto.
Stylelife: Not including looks and physical appearance, what made you choose Fassbender as your sort of celebrity crush?
Mary: Because he’s Irish and German. I think he’s very talented and his voice, kind of melts me a little bit.
Stylelife: When you think of that voice, when you hear it inside your head, what do you think of?
Mary: Well, certain people have these voices. It’s not an accent but the tonal quality of the voice that is sexy. He choose precise words and has clear diction. I think reading and writing and sounding out words can really help. You need to be around words to learn to speak clearly.
Mary: Yeah, but texting is a big problem. Pick up the phone and call me rather than sending me a text that doesn’t mean anything. I definitely like guys who are well-read. I have an affinity for books. Literature and text is important. I’ve dated a few writers. One thing that’s really not seductive is when a guy writes you something and it’s all misspelled and there are grammatical mistakes everywhere.
Stylelife: Have you ever given out your phone number just to end a conversation?
Mary: Yes, I’ve done it a couple of times for guys who won’t leave me alone. I give it to them so I can screen them, later.
Stylelife: Is there anything a guy could say over text message or on the phone to get you to decide to go out with them?
Mary: No, if I put you in the phone because I needed to screen you, it’s because you were being creepy. You’re not getting a chance or a response.
This guy was really spontaneous… We went for coffee, then randomly went to the movies, then randomly another cafe, and then we went to his place. And he went for it. It was comfortable and fun and exciting and spontaneous.
Stylelife: What is the sexiest thing any person has ever done for you?
Mary: This guy was really spontaneous… We went for coffee, then randomly went to the movies, then randomly another cafe, and then we went to his place. And he went for it. It was comfortable and fun and exciting and spontaneous.
Stylelife: Okay, in other words, was there anything like a romantic move or a sexy event that excited you?
Mary: No, the shy artists are really good at the romantic thing. I dated this guy who would say things that were really romantic but he would never follow through. He wanted to make all these art pieces for me and never created them. I’d rather the guy actually make the gesture than say he was going to.
Stylelife: Is there something you’ve always wanted a guy to do for you on a date, during a relationship, or sexually, that no one has done?
Mary: I don’t know, maybe someone who just tried to get to know me on more of a personal level, and showed a little effort. That they were thinking about me when I wasn’t around.
Stylelife: Have you ever had a one night stand?
Stylelife: Would you?
Mary: No. It’s not really my thing, if it’s really a “meet someone, have sex, and never see them again” thing. The reason I have no desire for that is that I want to be emotionally invested in a person before I sleep with them. I’m not interested in emotionally detached sex.
Stylelife: What is the one thing you would like the men of the world to know about dating, romance, or seduction?
Mary: They should probably get to know the girl, really actually talk to her. Stop trying all the cliché bullshit and talk to the person. That’s way more attractive than anything else, truthfully.