In this installment, our boot camp coach extraordinaire Evolve spoke to Christina about interacting with female bartenders, about dream dates, and stories of oral sex gone terribly wrong.Christina is a Chicago native who met Evolve and The Sneak during their world tour travels. She’s been working in the bar and club industry since she was 18-years-old.
Stylelife: So you’re currently a bartender?
Christina: Yes, I’m currently a bartender.
Stylelife: As a bartender how do you get hit on? It must happen all the time.
Christina: All the time, but it’s weird as a bartender because we have to hit on guys too. You push your boobs up and you smile. I’ve been a bartender since I was 21 and I’m 25 now. I’m always saying “Hey babe.” “Hey hon. Can I get you a drink?” I call these guys pet names and they eat it up, because they’ve never been talked to like that, especially by an attractive woman – not to blow my own horn.
It’s really funny. They’re always saying, “Let’s do a shot,” Asking, “How was your day?” Or saying, “Do you want me to get rid of this guy?” It always happens if there’s a guy giving me a hard time, and its like – aww thanks, but at the same time – I can’t really shoot someone down as a bartender.
Stylelife: Because part of your job is to flirt.
Christina: Absolutely, and there was a guy who came in the other day with a creepy Halloween mask on who just said, “Do you like sushi” I said, “Yeah, I love sushi.” Then he said, “Great, I’m taking you to sushi.” Then he wrote his number on his receipt and it said, “Call me.” It was so funny and so cliché.
Stylelife: How often do guys write you notes?
Christina: A lot. It’s really funny. The other day, a guy came in from, I think, Finland. He kept writing me poetry on tab cards. He spoke such poor English that none of it made sense.
Stylelife: How do you start a conversation with a bartender that’s real? Not just her selling the product.
Christina: It depends on the bartender. Some bartenders, when they’re working, they’re working. They’re a different person. I tend to be a slightly nicer version of myself, but not a completely different person.
If you become a regular in the bar, or at least you show up often enough for us to recognize you, then you can make friends with the bartenders.
Eventually, if you can get one of our numbers you can text us and we’ll let you know when we’re going to be at work. And then if you’re bored or out and about, come in, it’s money for us and eventually we’ll probably go drinking with you.
I know a lot of bartenders that have gone out with their customers and it’s really fun. Its people you don’t normally hang out with, and you go to bars you don’t normally go to, and you know we know it’s going to be a blast because we already know the characteristics of that person from being their bartender. It’s not like we won’t be on our guard, but we’ll be more comfortable with you.
Stylelife: So, creating a sense of familiarity is important.
Christina: Yes. I definitely think so.
Stylelife: In Neil’s book The Game, bartenders, go-go dancers, strippers and pretty much anyone hired partially or completely because of their beauty is called, “a hired gun.”
Christina: Ha-Ha! Well, I’ve been all of those.
Stylelife: I know! I wanted to ask you about that, you’ve been hit on in so many different ways and that’s fascinating.
Christina: I have been in the bar industry since I was 18. I started dancing the day after my 18th birthday. I have seen it all. I have seen guys that have said, “You have the most beautiful feet ever. I will give you $500 if you just come to my hotel room and let me rub your feet.”
But also, I’ve totally gone on dates with guys I’ve met at work. When I was a dancer, it was just guys who didn’t treat me like a dancer. On slow nights I would hang out and have a drink with people. I had a stripper name and a little stripper voice – but I was still myself.
You know, especially if you’ve done it for a long time, how to read guys. You know exactly which guys are there just to try to take you home.
Stylelife: What are the signs that a guy’s there just to try to sleep with you?
Christina: They get shitfaced, they’re grabby before they’re even drunk, then it just gets worse and worse as they drink. We see them when they walk in and know and tell the bouncer to keep an eye those guys.
A lot of guys, when they walk into the clubs, have an attitude that they’re better than the people that are working there. It makes them disrespectful and uncool.
But the thing is you’re a guy who’s in a strip club. Calm down. You’re no better than anyone in here.
Sometimes when you’d be giving a lap dance guys would just grab you and try to pull you down.
Stylelife: You can touch in Chicago?
Christina: Not in full nude places, but this was a bikini bar. In the VIP room they could touch but not grind on you or anything like that.
Stylelife: So you said you’ve gone on dates with guys who came in. What separates them from guys who you wouldn’t go on dates with?
Christina: Well, I look at how they act around their friends and if I get the sense that they’re just in it for sex, then it’s not going to work out. “Let’s go back to my hotel room” is not going to work.
It’s always guys being too straightforward. They think that they’re picking someone up from a strip club and have the stereotype that, “I picked up a dancer from a strip club. We’re gonna fuck and it’s going to be the most amazing sex ever.”
It’s funny, the majority of women I know who work there, myself included, are the most prudiest people ever. I’m not a freak whatsoever, but they think, “She has tattoos and she’s a stripper, she’s a freak,” but it’s not like that at all.
Stylelife: What’s the creepiest thing guys do when they’re hitting on you?
Christina: A guy told me once, “Hey girl you look so good I would drink your bath water.” I was like, “Oh my god, are you kidding me?”
Stylelife: So then what’s the most common way you get hit on when you’re not working?
Christina: I don’t know it varies so much. Something like, “Seriously, I’m not trying to hit on you but you have the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen. Would you like a drink?”
Stylelife: Are there a lot of comments that have to do with your looks?
Christina: Yeah, I get a lot of eye comments, because I’m part native American, so people think I’m part Asian. Guys will ask me, “Are you Asian?” to start conversations. Seriously, a day does not go by that a guy doesn’t ask me if I’m Asian.
Stylelife: Is there a way you feel comfortable with being hit on?
Christina: I kind of like it when a guy talks to me about something we can make fun of in the bar. Like if I’ve been waiting forever for a drink and he’s been waiting and he says, “Isn’t this the worst.” Then he continues the conversation.
Stylelife: In that case would it matter if you thought he was cute or not?
Christina: It helps, but I’m nice to everyone, but if I’m broke I’m gonna want a drink.
Stylelife: So, sometimes you’re just having a conversation to get a drink? Kind of a bar survival technique?
Christina: Sure and that will happen when I think, “He’s not that cute but he’s fun and good with conversation.” And I’ve had some of the most fun nights in my life with people that I wasn’t attracted to.
Stylelife: You just enjoy meeting and having conversations in general?
Christina: Yeah, well, I enjoy talking to people who are fun to talk to – some guys are just really weird.
Stylelife: What do you mean by weird?
Christina: Well, the other day this guy started talking to me, he was really drunk and mid-conversation he just stopped talking. I gave him this really weird look and he said, “Why are you looking at me like I’m weird?” I said, “because you just stopped talking mid sentence. Are you going to finish what your were saying?” He didn’t respond.
Then, later he was outside near one of the other bartenders, he kept putting his hand out moving it back and forth saying, “give me that. give me that.” We asked what he wanted and he said, “give me your lighter.” It was weird. He needed to learn to be more vocal and communicate better.
Stylelife: What’s the most interesting/exciting/romantic date you’ve gone on?
Christina: I’m the worst on dates. So I drink because I’m nervous. I’ll make all sorts of mistakes, knocking my drink onto sushi, swallowing the water wrong and coughing on it, or tripping over things. I get nervous.
Someone once took me to a really nice steakhouse and a Broadway play and in between we got really drunk, but I didn’t know it was a date so…
Stylelife: You didn’t know it was a date?
Christina: Yeah, it was this guy who said, “I’ve got tickets to I Love Lucy on Broadway, I know you’ll love it.” So I went and had a blast, and then he tried to rub my leg and I slapped his hand back. I called my roommate and had them rescue me.
Stylelife: A lot of women we’ve interviewed had said that they’re best dates didn’t end in anything sexual. It’s interesting that it’s true for you too.
Christina: Yeah, I can’t think of an actual date that’s ended in anything. I’ve only had a few one night stands. I met a guy at a party, we didn’t go on a date, but we did leave the part and go bar hopping together, I met all of his friends and then we went back to his place.
Stylelife: What made him different than the other guys?
Christina: I’m not sure, but if I’m attracted to you I say to myself, “I am going to have sex with you.”
Stylelife: Okay, what about worst dates?
Christina: I was single for a really long time and I joined a dating site. I joined OKcupid and I went on two dates. They were, honestly, the two funniest worst dates I have ever ever been on in my whole life.
One guy walked into the bar and looked nothing like his pictures. He was super nerdy, we got super drunk. He starts telling me about all the other OKcupid dates he’d been on. He made it a point to let me know that on his last OKcupid date – the girl was giving him head and threw up on him.
Stylelife: Wow. How much do friends effect your dating life?
Christina: Well if it wasn’t for my friend George I would have probably slept with a lot of really Duchey people. He protects me when I’m drunk.
Going out with girls is where it’s at. We’ll be like, “It’s her birthday! Get us some drinks!” Then eventually we run away.
Stylelife: I’m saying how much do they influence you with deciding who to date?
Christina: Yes, they have influence. Very much so. I told my friend that I hooked up with this guy I liked and he said, “Ew. Ew-Ew-Ew-Ew-Ew. I’ve heard so much terrible stuff about that guy.” So I slowly stopped talking to him. It turned out that he was nothing like how my friends described him, and when we finally met he said, “I think you’re a player and I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” And I was like, “No! I like you so much! Damnit.”
Stylelife: What was attractive about this guy?
Christina: He was a big DJ in the scene and he threw huge parties. He was really good in bed. He was popular and fun and he knew where all the good parties were. He knew everyone where ever we went.
Stylelife: Do you know a guy who you were attracted for being, funny, smart, or interesting but not physically?
Christina: Yeah, my ex-boy friend. He was very unattractive. He was super-unattractive. He was short, Italian and very, very round. He was a very round, round person. But, he was funny. He made me laugh. He was super in love with me and I loved spending time with him. I found myself caring about him. The more and more I started to care about him and the more and more I fell in love with him the more attractive he became to me – regardless of if he was fat, and regarledless of if he had a fat face, and regardless of if he had stretch marks, and snored really bad. Like super bad. But I was still really in love with him. But I still care about him, but would never be with him again, because he’s such a piece of shit. What the fuck was I thinking? He’s a very unattractive man.
Stylelife: Women often say that they’re looking for a guy with a sense of humor and confidence. What do those two things mean to you?
Christina: Well, Marilyn Monroe said “if you can make a girl laugh you can make her do anything.”
Stylelife: Do you believe that?
Christina: I do. My ex would make me laugh and laugh and laugh until my sides hurt and I loved it because It made me happy. Same thing with another ex-boyfriend, we’re still best friends because he still makes me happy and make me laugh constantly, because his sense of humor is so funny.
Stylelife: There are lot’s of guys trying to be funny and not attracting women, what does a sense of humor mean to you?
Christina: If you’re trying to be funny you’re not funny. Bottom line. It’s just something that just comes.
Stylelife: Well, what did your ex do that you thought was funny?
Christina: With one guy it really varied. He did everything from coming up with nicknames to really random comparisons. He’s the kind of guy that after a night out would go running down the street with his pants around his ankles carrying a 30-pack of PBR at ten o’clock in the morning. You’d be like “what are you thinking” and at the same time you’d be laughing and laughing. But dead baby jokes on a first date are not funny. Don’t do that. It’s not funny.
Stylelife: So, jokes are not funny?
Christina: Yeah. I think so.
Stylelife: What about teasing you?
NChristina: Oh, I hate that! I hate being teased. The funny thing is that’s one of my biggest pet-peeves: the guy’s that tease you to hit on you.
When I first turned 21 I went out to a bar and I was excited. “Yay, it’s my birthday!” So the guy scanned my ID. He said, “your ID doesn’t work give me another form of identification.” He was teasing me. It was so obnoxious because he just kept going with it and going with it. It was the worst.
Stylelife: Do you think that the reason teasing is irritating to you is that you’ve worked in the bar scene since you were 18? You’ve been hit on so much that you see teasing as an obvious form of being hit on?
Christina: Actually, I was picked on a lot in school, and I think it has something to do with that. I just don’t like being teased and picked on. Even if they’re trying to be cute I get really offended. The thing is – I get offended easily. I’m better at dealing with it now, but when I was younger I would be really mean to people. In the end, it depends on the person, but generally I don’t like to be teased.
Stylelife: Let’s talk about confidence. Women say they like a guy who’s confident. What does that mean to you?
Christina: I don’t want the person to be like, “what’s up baby, I wanna bang you later! Let’s have a drink.” I would rather have a guy say, “Hey, I saw you sitting by yourself, I’m not trying to hang out all night, but if you want to have a drink with me so we’re not hanging out alone. How would that sound?” That’s cool. But if a guy comes up to me and he says, “what’s up, I just came out of the gym do you like these muscles?” I’d be like, “are you fucking kidding me?”
Stylelife: Did someone really say that?
Christina: Yeah! It depends on what club you’re in when you’re in Chicago. One guy was like, “Yeah, I’m a realtor. What’s going on? This is my business card.” The business card had a big portrait headshot. I passed it around at a party and we all took turns prank calling him.
Stylelife: Do you see patterns in the people you date?
Christina: I would say no, but my roommate would say yes. The only pattern I see is that I’m really bad with breakups. My ex told me, “You always go back to them because you always think that they can change.” I always have that little speck of hope. No matter how unhappy they make – we’ll break up and I’ll be like, “No! There’s still a chance. I’ve already invested so much time!” They all turn in to assholes in the end. I’ve never had a clean break up.
Stylelife: What caused the breakups?
Christina: Sometimes it was the dancing. Another cheated on me. One of the other ones was really abusive.
Stylelife: If you could pick one person real or fictional to date who would it be?
Christina: Uh, Gatsby! Hello! I would totally date Gatsby.
Stylelife: Awesome. Why?
Christina: Because he’s a gentlemen. And he came from nothing and he became this super rich dude, just for the love of his life. I think that’s super romantic and super cute. And he’s got this I’m going to open the door for you and cater to you because you’re the love of my life and I’m going to take care of you and I love that and I think that’s really sweet.
Stylelife: For sure, old sport, for sure.
Christina: I love that, I love him.
Stylelife: Great. Are there any particular hobbies that turn you off?
Christina: Yes, there are and they’re all really nerdy. Like anime, it’s the biggest turn off ever, because my dad is super into it and I think it’s just awful. I don’t want to answer this!
Christina: We’re not going to be friends after this, by the way. Like I hate role-playing stuff – like what’s that called?
Stylelife: Dungeons and Dragons?
Christina: Yeah, but more… Fantasy Football! I hate that – that’s awful.
Stylelife: Comic books?
Christina: Yeah, because I don’t really know much about them. It’s just super super-nerdy things. And I hate guys who have to go through their mom?
Stylelife: Go through their mom?
Christina: Yeah, like, “I don’t know if my mom’s gonna like you.” And then you have to meet their mom and their mom just grills you.
Stylelife: How often does that happen?
Christina: It’s happened to me, so now when I have to meet parents it’s just the worst.
Stylelife: What kinds of hobbies do you like?
Christina: It’s not a hobby. I just like being out. I like a guy who goes out – traveling, bars, museums. I also like writing. Guys who write – not guys who are pretending to kill people with Styrofoam swords.
Stylelife: What’s the sexiest thing a guy’s ever done for you?
Christina: I like when people take me out. When we have a nice night together. I had an ex who bought me a Coach purse and I didn’t like it, and he didn’t understand why. So my roommate said to him,” the purse had no meaning. If it has some sentimental value between the two of you – then she’d care. That’s what she cares about.” It’s romantic when it has meaning.
Stylelife: Is there a romantic fantasy you have?
Christina: Yeah! I want to travel and I want to do the romantic things you do when you travel. I want to take pictures with my significant other. I want to travel as a couple.
Stylelife: It’s interesting. When I asked you about something sexy, you quickly turned the conversation to what you think is romantic. For you romantic and sexy are one in the same. Is that right?
Christina: Yeah, it’s sexy when a guy puts forth some effort to make you happy… or really to be happy with you.
Stylelife: As you know, I teach guys how to become more attractive. If you found out a guy you were dating had taken a course how would it affect you?
Christina: I’d think it was cute! “Aww, you didn’t know how to talk to me and now you’re big and mean and sexy. That’s great!” It’d be like a moment we could share as a couple.
Stylelife: If you could teach the men of the world one lesson about becoming more attractive what would it be?
Christina: Don’t judge a book by its cover. Some girls look really pretty and look really mean, but most of them are really nice. Which is the reason why I was single for so long. If someone had just approached me without expecting something right off the bat it would have been nice. Don’t walk up to a girl thinking, “I’m gonna bang this chick.” We can tell and it’s so unattractive.
Stylelife: Excellent! Thanks Christina![box type=”shadow”]If you could ask Christina any question, what would you it be? What do you want to know? Leave those questions in the comments field below.[/box]