There’s no way to avoid it.
This is going to be a gross, crude conversation.
But it’s something that really concerned me. You see, I wanted to be good at relationships, I wanted women to admire me, to see me as a knight in shining armor, long after the second or third date. I read all these articles and they were always instructing me to be dashing and smooth and all that.
But in a relationship the game changes, habits settle in and so …
The problem was that sooner or later, at some point, she’s going to see you in the bathroom. Or, you’re going to see her sitting on the toilet. Or, maybe it’s puking, maybe it’s blowing snot out during a sinus infection. Something gross is going to happen.
So the big question is: how do you continue to present yourself as a leading man when she’s seen you hugging a toilet can puking your guts out?
The other problem is that, while women love pink, many guys enjoy fart jokes, burping sounds on commercials, and laughing hysterically at Jackass skits featuring filthy port-a-potties. How do you reconcile that sense of humor with more gentlemanly concerns and attitudes?
Determined to get the answers I wasn’t finding in the mainstream men’s magazines, I started polling women. I made it my mission to find out how to balance out the potty humor and remain a gentleman. Those conversations weren’t always pretty, but I’ll share them to you can benefit from the knowledge.
From Underpants to Romance: 5 Ways to Clean Up Your Act
If you’ve let a penchant for poop jokes get in the way of romance and your status with your mate has dropped from Prince Charming to somewhere between Adam Sandler and Larry the Cable Guy, have no fear. There are a few ways to maintain your cool:
Show her that, in addition to having a sense of humor every junior high boy would envy, your romantic skills can be every bit as pristine as a freshly bleached porcelain toilet bowl.
- Clean yourself up: Remember back to the early days of your relationship when you made an effort to be the man? Prove to you and her you can still do that. Not only will it offset the lingering odor of this morning’s mud pie, it may get you some nookie after all. To show her that you can clean up as well as you can gross out, invite her out to a nice dinner and, rather than having her pick out your outfit, dress yourself (preferably in something both stylish and new). Don’t forget to shave and trim those caterpillars above your eyes while you’re at it (and pluck any errant nose hairs too). Manscaping isn’t mandatory but I guarantee it will score extra points. In short, if there was a grooming aspect you would have never dreamed skipping before your first date with her, then return that to your regimen now, even if you’ve been together for months.
- Clean up after yourself: Here’s a little secret; the opposite of disgusting (her word, not mine) isn’t “Oh, c’mon Baby, that was funny,” it’s “clean.” The more repulsive your bathroom habits, the more you need to balance those out with some honest-to-goodness cleaning up after yourself. She will respect and follow your example, when to go at the house with sponges, spray bottles and bleaches. Start with the bathroom and work your way out. If she hasn’t seen this side of you before, all the better.
- It’s the little things: Don’t let women fool you—chivalry isn’t dead. I’m not saying you need to sharpen your sword in order to slay a dragon or even to throw your coat over a puddle to impress a spouse who’s been less than impressed with your behavior—you just need to be a little more conscientious. Most women appreciate having the door opened for them, and a hand with the groceries.
- Make it about her: Not everything’s about you. If you’re the kind of guy who has a tendency to take over—whether you’re at a dinner party or simply sitting across from her at the dinner table—give her a say for a change. Ask her about her day and trumpet her accomplishments to anyone who’ll listen. Everybody likes to be acknowledged. Plus, someone who feels appreciated is going to be much more likely to adore you for it.
- Compromise: It’s true—to be her knight in shining armor you’re going to have to compromise. On movie night, you’re going to have to suffer Mama Mia for your turn at Grown Ups. That’s what grown ups do and if you want your chance to behave like a kid sometimes, it’s what you’re going to have to do too.
