Have you ever wanted to make a sweet, romantic gesture for your girlfriend/lover/fiancee/wife without being an AFC?

Here are a few handy examples of romantic gestures you can implement today. The key to remember is that personality and creativity is important. Use these tips to get started, but as you grow more confident, devote time to coming up with fun ideas of your own.

Remember, Romance Isn’t Done Alone

For both cultural and biological reasons, generally speaking, men and women have disparate takes on what it means to be romantic.

Ethel S. Person, Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at Columbia University and the author of several books including Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters: The Power of Romantic Passion describes our ability to “experience the pleasures and pains of romantic love” as our “passionate quest.” Viewed through our respective gender lenses, that quest can mean very different things to different people.

For women, a passionate quest usually revolves around interpersonal connections with other people. For men, the goal most often centers on a hero’s singular achievements.

Unfortunately, guys, in a modern world in which women are just as capable of killing and skinning a bear as you are, there are few remaining situations available for either the slaying of dragons or the throwing of coats over puddles. So keep in mind that you might need to tweak your definition of romance to focus on her, not what you can achieve for her.

It’s Not About Flowers and Valentine’s Day

The good news is that more than a few women may be tiring of the all-too-cliché consumer-driven holiday known as Valentine’s Day (which often seems like an event sponsored by De Beers and See’s Candies).

Because expectations come pre-loaded, Valentine’s Day (and birthdays and anniversaries) can be reduced to merely mundane when the element of surprise is taken away—that is, unless you forget altogether (then all bets are off). The commercialization of romance creates a turbulent cycle in which a clueless man tries to top last year’s gift by spending copious amounts of money on the obligatory tchotchkes when, deep down, all she really wants is to be acknowledged on a day that actually matters.
Instead of giving diamonds one or two times per spin around the sun, it’s time to get personal and let your love for her show on the other 360-some days of the year instead.

3 Gestures

• Pen Her a Poem: Women love words (romance novels hello?) Poetry needn’t be hard nor does it even need to rhyme. As with the paintings above, a short, sweet sentiment on a tiny slip of paper will send shivers rushing through her. If you don’t know how to begin, you might consider trying your hand at haiku. Haiku is a short form of Japanese poetry that consists of three lines of 5, 7 and 5 syllables respectively. For now, that’s all you need to know. It goes like this:

your lovely hair
soft shimmering frames your face
tonight we make love

Or something. That took less than a minute to write and you can even use it to get started. If she has a master’s degree in Japanese Literature you may want to try something more advanced but, otherwise, you’re good to go.

• Rock Her World: It helps to have musical talent for this one but, as with the above gestures, it’s not entirely necessary. When you have an opportunity, make off with her smart phone, sneak off to a secluded place and play and/or sing her a short song into her voice recorder. Then—and this is important—set her alarm to notify her to listen to your opus so you know she hears it. If you’re tone deaf, make sure she retrieves it when you know she’ll be alone.

• Send Her On a Scavenger Hunt: A scavenger hunt is a great way to have her spend a day thinking about you while also having fun. It goes like this: when she wakes up (or, alternately, comes home from work), spring a scavenger hunt on her. Begin by leaving a note in a conspicuous place with a clue written or drawn on it. The clue, of course, will lead to another note and, thus, the next step in her adventure. For instance, you could send her to the refrigerator for orange juice and champagne, instruct her to prepare mimosas and then, finally, lead her out to the deck where you’ve carefully pre-prepared breakfast for two. It can be as easy or as challenging as you choose to make it. Not only will she love it, you’ll revel in the satisfaction of knowing you’re well on your way to completing a passionate quest of your own.