How to Establish a Strong Foundation for Your Relatinship

It was a beautiful moment, the highlight of a great year, when she looked at me and said “Yes, I would love to be your girlfriend.” It was also a terrifying moment. As a social artist who had been immersed in the thrill of the chase and the grip of uncertainty for so long, what was I supposed to do now? I had met my perfect girl, and it was time to make the transition from the single life to a long-term relationship. Should you be so lucky as to find yourself in a similar situation in the future (and as an SLA student, your chances are good), I’ll offer some experience to help you make the transition, and set yourself up for a long and happy relationship.

There is a delicate balance in a successful relationship. On the one hand, it can be easy to fall into a routine, to lose the spark, and to eventually succumb to the ennui of a relationship that has lost its luster. On the other hand, it’s possible to do too much, to enjoy a fantastic short-term relationship filled with excitement that does not provide the feeling of comfort and security necessary for long-term success. So what is the balance?

Unfortunately, there is no answer to that question, because the goal isn’t to find the balance, but to establish a relationship dynamic that automatically lands you there. In the beginning of your relationship, you have as much flexibility as you ever will to set the tone of your relationship. It’s important to include both elements of creative excitement to keep things fresh, and stable consistency to keep things solid.
During the week is a good time for consistency. The week is when people are working, when routines are already set. Adding some time together into your weekly routines, such as watching a show together on one night (not every night), can set up the long-term consistency that leads to a feeling of comfort and security.

The weekend, on the other hand, offers the perfect opportunity for creativity and fun to keep things fresh. Set aside one day or night each weekend to go on a non-standard date. Every once in a while, dinner and movie dates are ok, but unless there is something special about the dinner or movie, overdoing these old standards can land you in boredom land pretty fast.

So how do you come up with so many ideas for fun things to do? First of all, don’t think you need to do it yourself. Enlist her help with a fun pretext. One technique that I have been using with tremendous success is A-Z dating. The idea is simple. Each week, we go out on a date that begins with the next letter in the alphabet. So for week one, we went to an Art museum, the next week, Bowling, and so on. Now, both of you can work to create fun ideas within this framework.

One final way to add more spice to your relationship is to add in some standard romance in non-standard ways. Instead of flowers and chocolates on holidays, why not when she least expects it. Something as simple as showing up unannounced at the airport when she arrives home or flowers on a random Tuesday in March can completely stun her without seeming obligatory.

With these tools in your toolkit, you’re ready to establish the foundation to the relationship you’ve always wanted.