This month, we turn to Kristina, an actress living in Southern California, but with ties to Georgia. Stylelife dispatched our resident jokester The Sneak to talk with Kristina.
Stylelife: What is the creepiest thing that a guy has every done when he was hitting on you?
Kristina: Oh god. I was trying to leave the venue, and this guy blocked the door so I couldn’t get out and then hit on me while holding the door shut.
Stylelife: Wow, a prisoner to his come ons!
Kristina: Yeah, I got a little rattled there.
Stylelife: That’s crazy. Are there any patterns of creepy things that guys tend to do?
Kristina: It’s as subtle as a look in their eye. Their not really talking to you. They are undressing you with their eyes. You can immediately see their intentions. What’s attractive to me is someone that is able to have a stimulating conversation. I think there should be a good back and forth. One person shouldn’t talk too much about themselves. There has to be a genuine connection.
Stylelife: If your friends were to choose three words to describe you, what words do you think they would choose?
Kristina: Genuine, fun, and philosophical.
Stylelife: Are you currently seeing someone?
Kristina: I’m dating.
Stylelife: What is it that makes you romantically interested in the person you dated most recently? Presumably he didn’t bar the door.
Kristina: He’s genuinely a good guy. It’s not smoke and mirrors. He is who he claims to be and completely says what’s on his mind.
Stylelife:Interesting. So, what’s the most common way that a guy hits on you?
Kristina: Hmm. I think just coming up to me and complimenting me.
Stylelife: Is there a specific compliment that you’ve heard more than others?
Kristina: Mostly just “you’re cute.”
Stylelife: Is there any follow up?
Kristina: They usually say their name, give a little small talk, and then ask me out on a date.
Stylelife: What’s the most romantic thing a person has ever done for you?
Kristina: A nice, special friend, took me on an airplane ride.
Stylelife: Did you say a special friend?
Kristina: (laughing) Yes! And then took me to get drinks and appetizers on the beach and then to dinner on the bay and then we took a ferry, a boat…
Stylelife: This is all one date? May I call it a date?
Kristina: Yes, it was a date.
Stylelife: So it started off with an airplane ride. Tell me about that.
Kristina: It was fantastic! I love exhilarating things like that and it was like a mini vacation. It was something so outside of the box about it. It was something we were experiencing together and it was really exciting to feel thrilled and then to look over and see someone else that’s thrilled as well. We didn’t have to talk that much, we were just kind of suspended in happiness. To be happy and see this amazing view was something I knew we were both going to remember that we now had. It was special.
Stylelife: Have you ever friend zoned a guy that was attracted to you?
Kristina: Absolutely. There are so many variables that make you attracted to someone. When I’m getting to know somebody sometimes I feel it and sometimes I don’t.
Stylelife: Was there ever an occasion where you were interested in someone at one point and then you had to friend zone them?
Kristina: Yes. I eventually just see someones true colors and it might not align with my values and where I’m going. If I can’t grow with that person then I can’t see anything long term. I don’t want to be with a person and stay in stagnation. For me, in my life, I’m constantly learning new things. So I’m going to grow and change. They need to be able to do the same. To constantly grow as a person, that’s what I’m looking for.
Stylelife: What was the best date you’ve ever been on?
Kristina: Back in Atlanta this guy took me to music midtown. He bought me my ticket to go and a shirt for the band Neon Trees. We went and we just had the best time. We danced together when girl talk performed and then there was other times we were just laying in the field looking up at the sky, just chilllin. We were OK in the silence.
Stylelife: Existing in the silence with someone seems to be special to you. Why do you think that is?
Kristina: If you can be comfortable around someone that you’re getting to know then you don’t feel like you need to come up with something to say all the time. Not that the whole thing will be silence or anything, but there are moments where you can just be at peace and know that you’re connected.
Stylelife: What was the result of this date? After the concert and dancing, did you guys hook up?
Kristina: We went back to his apartment and he made me an awesome salad and I got a foot massage, which was amazing after a concert and then we just talked and cuddled.
Stylelife: Did you ever see him again after that?
Kristina: I did, yeah, but then I came back to LA so nothing could have went further.
Stylelife: Did you make out with him?
Stylelife: At the concert?
Stylelife: What about during the cuddling?
Kristina: Yeah, a little bit.
Stylelife: Were you reserved? Did you try and prevent him from going any further than that?
Kristina: Yes. Sometimes you can be completely turned on by a person and you feel like yes lets just have fun. Other times you’re just not feeling that way.
Stylelife: So a guy could take you on a great date, even perhaps the best date you’ve ever been on, but that doesn’t guarantee at the end of the night you’re going to feel sexually charged about him?
Kristina: Exactly. I wanted to be close, but there was something really sweet about not having to go further. In this instance, I was coming back to LA, so I thought why get caught up in something when nothing is going to really happen anyway?
Stylelife: How much influence do you think your friends have on your dating life?
Kristina: My roommate has a lot of influence on me. She is a little bit older than I am. It’s a security factor to have someone that’s already been through the dating scene. I find dating really scary all the time. I’m figuring things out. I want that support system. I want to talk to my friends about what would be a red flag and make sure I’m not walking myself into a bad position.
Stylelife: What’s an example of something that would be a red flag?
Kristina: Well, if for the first date if they take you to The Habit.
Stylelife: To The Habit? What’s The Habit?
Kristina: It’s supposed to be known for good burgers and stuff.
Stylelife: So this is hilarious. Why is it a red flag if someone wants to go to The Habit?
Kristina: Because, yea, see, I totally get from a guys view it’s like who cares, but for a girl it’s such a bottom level date. If you were more thoughtful, or at least the guy that I want, is going to put more effort into a date and not just going to go up the street to do the most convenient thing and then expect to get laid out of it.
Stylelife: Maybe, just no burger places?
Kristina: It’s not about the restaurant. When a girl gets ready for a guy she likes, there is a lot of time and thought into that. It could be an hour or two just getting ready to look good for you. We want to be cherished, that’s all.
Stylelife: How important is the first kiss?
Kristina: On a first date?
Stylelife: Do you usually have your first kisses on your first date?
Stylelife: When do you usually have your first kiss?
Kristina: It’s different every time. I’ve kissed someone on the day I’ve met there. There’s times I’ve known the person for a few years and then suddenly it shifts into a new zone.
Stylelife: What causes that change?
Kristina: I feel like it happens in the smallest moments. It definitely has something to do with confidence. Confidence is always sexy. Strength too, strength is really sexy. Not fighting something, rather a composed confidence. It’s a knowingness. When someone has a strong sense of being and a knowingness about them that is what’s really, really sexy.
Knowing yourself. Knowing what you want. Knowing what you like. That’s a hard thing, we can go our lives constantly finding new things about ourselves, that’s just life. We should always be doing that.
Stylelife: You use the word confidence. People all the times say “Just be confident.” When a women says confidence is important what does she mean by that?”
Kristina: Knowing yourself. Knowing what you want. Knowing what you like. That’s a hard thing, we can go our lives constantly finding new things about ourselves, that’s just life. We should always be doing that. It doesn’t have to do with looks. I’ve liked guys that weren’t that good looking, but because they are a more evolved person. They know that they can walk into a room or you can bring them into any situation and they will flow in that situation.
Stylelife: Another phrase that is thrown around a lot is sense of humor. When a woman says sense of humor is important what does that mean? How do you define sense of humor as far as flirting is concerned?
Kristina: Yes. It’s a huge, important factor. It’s nice to have a good witty banter with someone. Someone with a good sense of humor also knows we can never take ourselves too seriously. Nobody is perfect. If we can’t laugh, you’re not living a full human experience.
Stylelife: Have you ever met someone that was funny, nice, interesting, or some combination of those things, but you weren’t interested in him sexually?
Stylelife: What do you think he could have done to change that?
Kristina: Sometimes it’s just not a match and that’s it. Why try to make something work with someone when you’re not completely right for that person?
Stylelife: Do you think a guy could benefit from taking a course on seduction and dating?
Kristina: No. Not seduction. I mean, what do you mean by that? Knowing how to light candles and cook dinner?
Stylelife: Partially, I suppose those could both be elements of a seduction. This persons would be educating themselves to know when the appropriate moment would or would not be to light candles or cook dinner. They would be studying the subject to understand the application and timing of those things.
Kristina: I feel like that kind of power would be abused.
Stylelife: By the guys who learned it?
Stylelife: How might someone abuse the power of seduction?
Kristina: Because then, it’s not as special.
Stylelife: It’s not? There’s some legendary seducers in history. Do you think that the women that were with Don Juan or Cassanova didn’t feel special because those men were great seducers? Or do you think think within the context of a great seduction someone feels more special than ever?
Kristina: I just feel like if someone had to learn these techniques, just somehow it would feel kind of false.
Stylelife: It’s funny, I know some seducers myself, and the guys who are the best at it fall so deeply for the women they are with. It’s interesting to hear the perception from the other side that it is somehow false.
Kristina: Yea, that is interesting.
Stylelife: Let’s say you met a guy, you really liked him, and you’ve hooked up with him at this point, then you find out he took a course on dating, would that change your opinion of him?
Kristina: I would just have to know where that person’s heart is though. If I already had a good time with him and I know that his heart is that he is looking for a long term relationship then I would understand why he took a course.
Stylelife: Is a long term relationship particularly important to you at this point in your life?
Kristina: At this point in my life, yes.
Stylelife: Have you ever had a one night stand?
Stylelife: How do you feel about them?
Kristina: Not that I judge anyone else, it’s just not for me. It’s not my cup of tea. It doesn’t tickle my fancy. I hope you quote both of those.
Stylelife: I will definitely quote both. Are there any hobbies that turn you off?
Kristina: If a grown man is super into one direction or The Wanted pop music, that’s a solid turn off.
Stylelife: Is there is a hobby that turns you on?
Kristina: Baseball! Baseball players.
Stylelife: Oooh! What is it about them baseball players?
Kristina: I don’t know what workout there own. Something about their build is a big turn on?
Stylelife: Would you go out on a date with Babe Ruth?
Kristina: Yeah! Sure.
Stylelife: If you had to pick one person to date, real, or fictional, who would it be?
Kristina: Paul Newman.
Stylelife: Why do you think you’re attracted to Paul Newman?
Kristina: There is something charismatic and charming about him and rogue in a way. He has that…I hate to say swag…what is another word for standing out and not having to do a thing? Effortlessness.
Stylelife: Do you see patterns on the guys you date? Like bad boys or?
Kristina: Yes. And I’ve tried to really examine this about myself.
Stylelife: Ok, what patterns have you noticed?
Kristina: The first string of boyfriends that I had were completely terrible for me. What would happen was I would see potential for greatness in them, but somehow they would be really into drugs and partying too much. I always thought I could help them, this is terrible, I thought I could change them. I’ve identified this now as my problem. I cannot change a guy. A guy changes because he wants to. He needs to save himself. I cannot save them and bring them up to do something grand or extraordinary with their lives. It’s just, I see that they could, they have that presence to them, they just use it in all the wrong situations. But it’s sexy!
Stylelife: It’s sexy?
Kristina: Yeah! A bad boy is definitely sexy, because their trouble. You know you should stay away, but you’re kinda like, oh, but maybe. No! No I can’t! I can’t do it anymore. They’re also usually unavailable too.
Kristina: Somehow they’re unavailable. They are already messed up by an ex girlfriend or they are undependable in some way.
Stylelife: Do you think you could be swept into the spell of a bad boy again?
Kristina: I hope not, because it sure is painful going through it. I would hope after the lessons that I’ve learned that I can truly allow myself to attract a wonderful person.
Stylelife: And yet you can. Do you think the guy who massaged your feet was a wonderful person?
Stylelife: You attracted all kinds of people, you just chose a certain type.
Kristina: Yea. So what’s the question?
Stylelife: There was no question that time.
Kristina: I mean, yeah, I guess it’s hard to all of the sudden be in that position with a wonderful person. They could be wonderful, but does that mean that I should force myself to do something? I want to feel all of those amazing feelings that I did when I was with the bad boy too.
Stylelife: What’s the sexiest thing a person has ever done for you?
Kristina: What comes to my mind is a bubble bath with candles and awesome music. It was so sexy.
Stylelife: I knew there would be time for those candles.
Kristina: Yea! Oh the candles are great. I’m not saying no to the candles. The art of seduction, it is there, I just don’t want to know that someone took a whole course on it. I just want it to be something that they want to do for me.
Stylelife: Sure, well, if they bothered actually sitting down and studying it, doesn’t that mean they would want to do it for you even more? Let’s think about it this way, you’ve had trouble meeting this guy. The feeling you got with the bad boy, with the wonderful quality from the nice guy, you’re looking to combine them into a Frankenstien perfect man.
Kristina: That would be awesome.
Stylelife: If that perfect man was too scared to say hello, or didn’t know what to say next, so he learn how to make that first approach. He takes some time to think about the first date, that way he doesn’t take you to the burger place. He takes you up in his plane. He is able to navigate these pitfalls and make it into the bubble bath with the candles. Now you get to be with him. I know, that’s great you managed to meet this guy. It’s wonderful. It will always remain tragically comical to me when a women’s instincts tell her to fear it. I hope it never gets in the way of you meeting someone.
Kristina: Girls, we’re going to be skeptical. We are going to wonder. We want to make sure that it isn’t just about getting in our pants. Just from hearing you express yourself like that though, it just takes that simple reframing to know someone is coming from that place then it’s almost just a simple conversation. Just communicating. In that way, it becomes even more heartfelt. If they are really genuinely coming from that place then it’s very endearing.
Stylelife: Is there something that you’ve always wanted a guy to do during a relationship, but nobody has ever done?
Kristina: I really like things having to do with art and culture. Perhaps the Hollywood Bowl? Art is a turn on.
Stylelife: Is there something that you’ve always wanted a guy to do sexually, that nobody has ever done?
Kristina: There’s always that fantasy of being at lake como or something or being in some bungalow and just going at it and feeling on top of the world. Feeling it, ya know? When I say feeling it. I mean doing it.
Stylelife: When you say doing it, what do you mean?
Kristina: I mean, getting down.
Stylelife: When you say getting down, what are you referring to.
Kristina: I’m saying doing the hanky panky. I’m saying the foreplay, the intercourse, the whole thing. The art of making love somewhere amazing and beautiful would be awesome. That’s totally a fantasy?
Stylelife: Do you think that if a man studied the art of making love that he could benefit from that?
Stylelife: Would knowing that he studied the art of making love change your opinion of him?
Kristina: I would be turned on it.
Stylelife: Would you say that studying the art of seduction is simply studying the beginning part of making love as well as the part that happens after. That actually, the art of making love is a piece of studying seduction, of course.
Kristina: Yeah. Yeah, I think you’re right. I think it could be very useful information. I guess I can’t fault someone for wanting to learn about that because just as I said before I always want to expand and grow. If I am going to live fully with someone then I want to feel pleasure with someone to the fullest as well.
Stylelife: Do you think someone could benefit from taking a course on seduction or dating?
Kristina: The right guys, with good intentions, yes. I really do. Absolutely.
Stylelife: Would knowing he took a course on seduction change your opinion of him?
Kristina: I would want to talk about it. How was that class? What did you learn? I want to know more about it so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on some secret stuff! Is that person present when they are seducing me? Are they just going through the motions? If they are present, really there, and engaged in me and the date then it’s awesome.
Stylelife: Great! Then I’m happy to inform you that anybody who is doing it correctly would be fully present. That is part of it. Like any art, you have to bring your presence to the table.
Kristina: Oh, they actually teach that?
Stylelife: Yes. We actually do teach that.
Kristina: That’s awesome!
Stylelife: Well it wouldn’t work.
Kristina: Yeah, that totally make sense to me now, I’m so happy I go to think out loud like that.
Stylelife: If it was just a cheap parlor trick, it wouldn’t work.
Kristina: Yeah, exactly!
Stylelife: What is one thing you’d like the men of the world to know about dating or seduction?
Kristina: Smile! And be honest with yourself.
Stylelife: Thank you for your insights Kristina.
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