If you want to avoid love packing a punch, here are a few simple tips that can help you be the best partner she ever had.

A groundbreaking 2010 Syracuse University study found that the chemical reaction of falling in love – the dopamine, testosterone, and adrenaline dump that occurs in our brains in the early stages of a relationship – is nearly identical to the rush a person gets from using cocaine. The researchers identified 12 areas of the brain that work together to cause the butterflies, pitter-patters, and clammy hands that signal what many people consider falling in love. Those conditions can happen in as little as a fifth of a second… Talk about love at first sight!

But over time, those chemical reactions can diminish. So to keep the spark alive, and make sure your relationship still delivers a wallop no matter how much time has passed, keep the following things in mind.

The 18 Month Mark

Famed anthropologist and researcher Helen Fisher, a professor at Rutgers University, suggests there are actually three phases of love, each defined by its own unique chemical cocktail.

• Lust
• Attraction
• Attachment

It’s important to note that these are phases of love, not phases of attraction that some of you might have studied during your single days.

The first two—lust and attraction—are marked by lots of testosterone and estrogen in the former and dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin in the latter. Those two phases together last between three months and two years, say neuroscientists, with the average length of time being 18 months.

A great deal can happen during that time period; including engagements, mortgages, even kids, car payments, and meeting the future in-laws. During the first 18 months, keeping the spark alive in a relationship is more or less automatic—just add your partner. However, once the feel-good chemicals associated with lust and attraction inevitably subside, the real work of keeping the relationship going begins.

So the first thing to do is examine how long you’ve been with your partner. While no mark is scientifically universal, if you’ve passed that 18 month threshold, then you know it’s time to get to work.

Possible to Keep Alive or Rekindle

The good news is that even if some of the most intense feelings subside over time, the attachment phase that Fisher describes is characterized as a mature love. This phase is distinguished by the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin, which are related to bonding and commitment respectively.

Thanks to attachment, it’s possible to reignite the pilot light on a relationship that seems to have fizzled out. Or, to keep it from diminishing altogether.

However, complacency won’t cut it. If you plan to make the home fires burn anew, it requires dedication and commitment from both partners.

5 Questions to Ask Her

There are any number of questions you can ask your partner to inspire a desired response (“Is it hot in here or is that you? “ comes immediately to mind), but here are a few queries that you can pose to your partner. These will provide you with useful information about how she perceives the relationship, but they also provide great conversation starters.

Don’t blurt out these questions while you’re doing laundry. These are emotional, deep questions. So it’s important to have this conversation at a point where you can both devote some time and energy to it.

Linger over these questions while sitting quietly and you’ve got a great date night.

1) What are your fantasies? There are two ways this can go. The most obvious is the sexual route. No matter how long you have been with your partner, don’t assume that you know everything she desires or is interested in. If she’s honest, she’ll probably surprise you. The second route this conversation can take is along the lines of “fantasy vacations” or “fantasy jobs.” Either route provides a great opportunity to bond and to learn something new about your partner.

2) If we hadn’t met, what would you be doing right now? If the answer is “fulfilling my lifelong dream of sailing around the world,” you may want to rephrase the question. However, a far more likely response is something along the lines of “I can’t imagine my life without you.” Ah, yeah, that’s the one.

3) If you could change one thing about me, what would it be? As we grow and mature, we should never abandon learning and self-improvement. Ask your partner what is something they would like you to change. Listen to her without judgment or defensiveness and be open to change if necessary. More often than not, she’ll request something simple like ironing your clothes as opposed to a holistic personality shift. So this line of conversation will likely result in something you can really accomplish.

4) What can I do for you right now? There’s nothing like spontaneity to keep a relationship off of life support. No matter the answer—whether it’s “make love to me like an animal” or “clean the rain gutters”—be prepared to follow through.

5) What is something that I used to do, which you would like me to continue? Chances are, when you first started dating, you opened her car door or you shaved obsessively before seeing her. Over time, we get more laid back in our approach and that can, inadvertently, seem like we’re taking her for granted. Once again, she’ll likely mention something that is totally doable, so don’t fear that she’s going to make an impossible request.

With these 5 questions, don’t simply interview your partner like you’re checking off questions from a list. You need to truly be present, to listen, and to engage her responses. Talk about what her answers mean. And it’s totally fair to turn the conversation around so you can provide feedback to her. This isn’t a case of you submitting to a performance evaluation. This is about you learning about your partner and both of you identifying ways to keep the spark alive and those groovy brain chemicals flowing.

Love may just be the best drug humankind has ever known.