Ask any woman you meet to name qualities she looks for in a potential mate and she’ll almost always mention sense of humor. Sense of humor, however, is not well defined. What does it mean to have a good sense of humor, specifically, when it comes to dating? What should any student of seduction know when it comes to joking around? Here are a few ideas to get you started…

1. The important jokes are the ones you share together.

When it comes to sense of humor, in the dating sense, you’re making jokes with her, not just in front of her. In many cases, the humor is situational, about something that’s happened to the two of you. This means when you’re flirting make sure that you’re jokes, teases, stories have context.

2. Humor is a vehicle for identity.

Anything you say reveals something about who you are to the person you’re with. If you want to come off as a funnier person, tell stories with funny moments in them. Keep in mind, the story you tell will reveal something about you to her. If it’s about you getting drunk and doing something stupid then you’re saying one thing. If the story is about some cultural misstep while traveling abroad then that’s going to say another. Think about what your stories say about you and choose the best one for the situation.

3. Calibrate your humor.

Great seducers do not have static personalities, they’re fluid, capable of being whoever the situation calls for. To do this, you have to pay attention to detail: what she jokes about, when she laughs, when she doesn’t laugh, her responses to situational events, what she’s critical of, etc. The more attention to detail you have the better you’ll be able to pick and choose identity stories, jokes and comments that are specific to the person you’re seducing.

4. What if you go overboard and tell an inappropriate joke?

At some point you’re going to offend someone, it happens, and it’s certainly not the end of the world. My favorite response is one that Neil Strauss came up with. You simply say, “if that offended you it’s because I felt really comfortable around you. Let’s start over.” Then he’d reach out his hand for a shake, “Hi, I’m Neil.”

5. Listen to great comedians.

This is a fun homework assignment, but there is lots to be learned by studying the comics you love. Pay attention to how they deliver some of your favorite bits and try quoting them in set. If other people laugh as you tell them what the comedian said, you’re in great shape.