The science of human interaction is a massive topic. And it generates tons of discussion. Before we go into to what you can do to avoid flaking, here’s an email we received from Larry:

“As a scientist who likes your stuff, I have to say that you are oversimplifying with 4 neurotransmitters,” Larry wrote. “You need to be thinking about oxytocin at least, and probably also vasopressin. See, e.g. http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0306453098000559 or http://www.amazon.com/The-Chemistry-Between-Us-Attraction/dp/B00D9TCPDO.”

That’s a great point, Larry and we encourage everyone to check out these resources. Our content is, consciously, a simplification. With vital topics, you can’t share all there is to share in an email newsletter. Doesn’t matter if you’re talking about geopolitical shifts in Africa, hydrogen car engines, or meeting that special someone. Our emails are just a brief introduction, to give you something you can implement in your life today. And we are experimenting in the field to validate which routines can be explained with the science of meeting, attracting, and bonding with women.

Moving on to the topic at hand:

What does it take to sustain the kind of long-term interest you need for dating? A lot of men who can create attraction find that many women still flake out on them; They can get her number, but they can’t get the date. And after all, what good is initial attraction if it doesn’t lead anywhere?
Still, this is an area where there is hard science to back up our claims. Our teachings are just as based on what science knows about human biology and psychology as it our own empirical experiences with literally thousands of men.

It all starts with getting things right on the first date. If you do that, you’re going to have a platform to work from. If you blow it, it can be a difficult (though not impossible) hole to dig yourself out of.

Here are some things science knows about how to make your first date — and pretty much all the rest — go swimmingly.

Talking the Talk

Talking in person is totally different than texting or talking over the phone. And, as with anything else, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do this. Current research suggests that a little something called “function words” is going to help you to create the best connection with your date. That’s what Molly Ireland, a researcher at Texas Tech University found.

This means personal pronouns, linking words and articles, mostly. And the more of them you use, the more likely you are to make a connection on the first date. What’s more, this connection formed through function words can be one of the best predictors of the long-term stability of your relationship.

One reason (out of many) is that more generic terms like “it” and “that” communicate emotional detachment; This is one of the worst things you can do on any date, and doing it on a first date can really kill things before they even get started.

There are time-tested, empirically proven ways that you can sustain interest over the long term using the right words. We have routines or “stacks” that allow you to guide the conversation where you want it to go. This will help you to sustain the initial attraction so that she’ll be craving more when you call her for a date.

A Bit More on Talk

What’s more, it’s not just about the words you use; It’s also about the words you don’t use. It’s not that you should talk a lot or not talk a lot. The most important thing on a first date is that your speaking styles match one another. This was another finding of Ireland and her researchers at Texas Tech University.

You might find it surprising that this type of thing can be hard to fake. In fact, when you try to match your speaking style with someone else’s, it can do a little bit to create a connection. But nothing is as powerful as being on the same wavelength as someone else when it comes to conversational styles.

Getting her on the same conversational wavelength as you isn’t an accident. It’s something that you can make happen every time you talk to a woman.

Getting the Kiss

Even more so than when you meet a women out at a bar or club, getting the kiss is basically going to make or break things with you and your new girl. You read in our last installment that a bad kiss can sour things before they start. But not going for the kiss entirely can be a huge mistake.

One reason is that there’s more to a kiss than what you think; In fact, the kiss is more than just something fun for everyone. It’s a way that people begin to evaluate the fitness of others for mating. This is done through looking for something in the genes called the major histo-compatibility complex. Basically what this means is that you’re resistant to some diseases and disorders and she’s resistant to others and the less you have in common, the more likely you are to select each other.

This is an entirely unconscious process. But as we’re talking about ways to hack science for maximum effect, we’d be remiss if we didn’t tell you that your DNA can seal the deal with a kiss. In effect, the first kiss isn’t just a kiss — it’s your genes advertising your fitness to hers.

If you’ve ever not known when it was time to go for the kiss, you’re not alone. But we’ve optimized ways to determine when the moment is right for a kiss and to know how to make the moment right for a kiss.

Cuddling Helps

Sure, you’re probably not going to get any cuddle action going on when you’re out at dinner or wherever you go for a first date. However, if you can find a way to get any degree of snuggling in, you’re going to have a much better chance of dating her in an ongoing way.

The reason being that cuddling releases Oxytocin, the famous “love drug” that makes people feel a sense of emotional closeness. And the same one that our friend Larry mentioned at the very beginning. It’s not the only way to get this feeling, to be sure, but it’s a great — and let’s face it, fun — way to start building it quickly and strongly.

Want to be a master of cuddling? There is such a thing. We tested the tools you need to create the kind of deep and lasting connections you’re looking for with the amazing power of touch.

We’ll talk a little bit more about the effects of cuddling and oxytocin in the next installment of this series, which will be about the science of a long-term relationship.