Money remains an odd topic in our society. As a culture, we idolize millionaires and billionaires, we watch shows like MTV’s Cribs and VH1’s The Fabulous Life, and all the Hollywood reality shows, and we memorize intricate details of salary cap hits for the number one draft pick’s contract. But in spite of our financial obsession, money is still a sore spot for many people.
Because of these conflicting attitudes about money, many men do not demonstrate higher value in regards to finances. They either brag about their private jet or they reveal all those bounced checks. Too many men do not understand the proper balance of financial discussions in dating situations.
This article offers some things to do, and some to avoid, about money while interacting with women.
Don’t Talk About It
The first rule of finances is, don’t talk about them. The second rule of finances is, do not talk about them.
“Guys tend to be on one extreme or the other,” says Amy, a publicist in New York City. “Either they have no money and poor financial management, and it becomes painfully obvious from what they say, or they brag about how massive their bank account is. Either way, it’s unattractive.”
The Skid Row Dweller
If your finances are a mess and you have debts that equal the most profligate celebrity, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you can’t be successful with women. You just don’t want to advertise that situation.
“On a first date, a man asked me if I could drive him home,” Beth relates. “I wondered why that was necessary since he drove over to pick me up at the beginning of the night. And he wasn’t drunk or anything. He said he needed to leave his car at my place, to hide it, because the repo man was looking for it at his house. This guy reveals that on a first date!”
Poor financial management doesn’t just involve repossession scenarios. Jenn, an HR professional in Washington, DC recalls a pleasant stroll down the street that turned sour. “I was on a first date with this guy. We had a good evening, just hanging out. It was pretty low-key. We’re walking down the street and we pass a record store. I mentioned that it was one of my favorite shops in the area. He just openly says that he can’t go in there any more because he wrote them a bunch of bad checks and never paid it off. He just admits that right to my face.”
These guys aren’t just destroying their credit records. They’re wrecking their social lives. Women don’t necessarily expect you to be wealthy or to save every penny. But they do expect you to have your life together. So if your finances are a mess, work on correcting that. But in the short term, at least have the common sense not to tell a lady about your troubles.
The Park Avenue Dweller
Men with sizeable bank accounts also need to remain hushed about their finances. “Nothing is more of a turnoff then someone who brags about their cash,” says Rebecca, a movie producer in Hollywood. “Even when they don’t necessarily mean to brag, simply talking about anything financial can be interpreted as bragging.”
So if you’re living large, don’t tell the world about it. Your date is not a rap song. Your job is not to brag that you “got a place in the hills overlooking the sea. It’s worth eight, but I only paid five-point-three” as Dr. Dre regaled us many years ago.
But neither should you hide your lifestyle and accomplishments either. It can be a delicate balance to demonstrate your higher (bank) value without bragging. But Headmaster Style provides a good example of how to do it.
Suppose you won the lottery. Or maybe you made your fortune during the internet boom before the shit hit the fan. So you lead a pretty good life. And you’re telling a lady about the time you and your buddy took your charter plane down to the Bahamas.
“So we were cruising on my Gulfstream G550 down to my private island in the Bahamas…” you tell your lady friend. Now, while this statement may not be terribly ostentatious, it could make some women think you’re bragging. Which is definitely a turn off. Unless she’s one of the featured women in Kanye West’s hit, and then you’ve got a different set of problems.
Compare the above quote with this next one. “So we were flying to the Bahamas and my buddy told me to turn up the stereo. We were listening to this new CD and he wanted the volume really loud…” you say. A lot of listeners won’t even initially catch the importance of that sentence. But eventually it will dawn on them.
“Wait a minute,” they’ll think. “How did he turn up a stereo on a plane? Unless, it’s a private luxury jet!” This way, they’ve figured it out, but you haven’t beaten them over the head with the details of your expensive jet.
This subtle approach is definitely a demonstration of higher value. To you, in your world, it’s perfectly normal to crank the volume on your plane’s stereo. It’s not a big deal. Certainly not worth fussing over in conversation. This is just how you roll.
So by taking this subtle approach, your date still learns about your lifestyle, but you haven’t bragged about it.
Planning the Date
The seduction community is rife with old rules about “you should never buy a woman a drink” and other concepts designed to make sure you weren’t being taken advantage of in a social situation. And while there may be some worth to those concepts, at the Stylelife Academy, we don’t espouse such concrete, universal rules.
We recommend that you plan a date that fits your budget and that you will enjoy. Simple as that. Do not plan an extravagant evening in the hopes of impressing her. Do not spend a fortune on fine dining and opera seats in an attempt to be James Bond. Simply make your choice based on what you think will be fun and what fits your budget. It’s really not that hard.
If you’re a high-roller, then you can have your social secretary plan your jaunt to the Caymans for a date. But if you’re on a tight budget, here are some ideas.
• A walk in a park or on the beach – If you keep the conversation lively and interesting, this can be a fantastic date.
• Listen to live music in a park – Even the smallest towns frequently have free concerts in the park. An evening of jazz or the orchestra can be a great date.
• Go to a museum – In Washington, DC and other locales, the museums are free. But even in places where they charge admission, the institutions often host discount days.
• Play a game – Whether you’re reliving your childhood with a game of Monopoly or cashing in on the recent poker craze,