Aziz Ansari is one of our favorite comedians. And if you’ve ever paid attention to his Tom Haverford character on Parks and Rec then you know that he’s no stranger to the game. But his recent appearance on Conan produced a snippet picked up by CNN entitled ‘How Texting has Ruined Dating.’ Here is the clip:

Video of Aziz on Texting

As with all things Ansari, it’s a funny segment as he describes the endless back and forth texting that yields absolutely nothing but frustration. And we know he’s playing up that phenomenon for comedic effect. But his example does provide a very useful teachable moment for those of us studying the social arts.

His unproductive texting is because he isn’t seeding any activity.

In Aziz’s fictional text interaction, it’s always some vague notion of “getting a drink” with no concrete time or plan or value attached to the outing. The imaginary lady who flakes out and can never seem to meet up has no reason to follow through.

However, the proper way to text message with a woman you want to see is to seed an incredible activity when you’re speaking to her in person, then use the text message to refer to that incredible activity and finalize the details.

Instead of just saying, “We should get together for some drinks,” you should discuss how you and your friends are going to an underground pop-up restaurant, something not advertised, only available to those in the know, were top chefs serve sometimes illegal food (yes, such underground eat-togethers do exist). Really sell the activity and how you and your friends are doing it. Then, as you are leaving the interaction, say, “I’ll text you tomorrow when I have the location.”

The following day, your text shouldn’t be “How about we have that dinner tonight?” Instead, refer back to the cool activity you seeded, tell her your friends are going, and she should join you. You could text, “Okay, the underground dining club is going to be on La Brea, in the basement of the restaurant. But we’re going in the backdoor. Meet me and my friends at 9pm.”

In short, the text should be about finalizing and confirming plans, not making plans.

So if you want to avoid the frustration that Aziz jokes about, the key is to seed the activity. Give her a reason why she HAS to respond to your text for an adventure she HAS to partake in. And you’ll avoid the “Oh shit, we just left!” messages Aziz groans about.

Oh, and be sure to watch his new special Buried Alive. It’s a riot, and devotes a great deal of material, discussion, and belly laughs to contemporary dating conundrums and quandaries.