You had a ten year career in the architecture industry, in sustainable building and you recently left to pursue acting. How is dating in the corporate world different from the entertainment industry?
Hell of a question. When you’re a young female in a group of many men, no matter what you’re selling or talking about, whether it be the service or the product it can be perceived as a different kind of selling. No matter what event I went to, somebody would ask me out on a date.
Did you ever accept?
One of the other things I would run into were creatives – design orientated people and landscape architects. I would get along with those people and have dated within that community. I’d consider that a different issue than the account exec I was selling to. Some really great relationships came out of the creatives.
What was attractive about the creatives?
We had interests in a really deep sense, because design tends to tie back to spirituality or how you perceive the world, or how you think people should interact in the world. So, often if I got along with someone from a design perspective, we’d get along from a much deeper perspective.
Have you found spirituality to be seductive in other parts of your life?
Definitely. I did a yoga teacher training in 2007. It was a pretty equal group of men and women, all who happened to be pretty good looking and in good shape, but most importantly the group connected at a spiritual level. We were all trying to become yoga teachers. We talked about chanting and what it meant and if we held a pose what did it make us feel? Non-stop energy. It was a 200 hour program and – by the end – I hadn’t hooked up with anyone because I was dating someone, but everyone else had hooked up with everyone, all because there was such good, strong spiritual energy.
How is it different dating in the entertainment world?
It’s funny, my first boyfriend in high school – we were in a play together – and it was because we were in a play together sharing these intense moments. I shot a commercial with someone where we had a bed scene. It was a comical bed scene, but we had spent four hours rolling around on top of each other to get the scene right. We ended up connecting.
You kind of have to. That’s part of acting, right?
Yeah, you kind of have to when the camera’s on. We ended up going out on a date, but it didn’t go well because both of us tried to pick up from where that scene was, which wasn’t a good place to start. We were trying to have this dinner and it was like we went way back and that we’d slept together, but that wasn’t the case.
Your fictional relationship was more intimate than your real one.
Yes. Yes! But I think when I connect with people in this industry it’s similar to what I’d connect with when I talked to designers, but in the entertainment industry it’s connecting about what it is to be human and how you perceive that.
How is being hit on different in the corporate world and the entertainment industry?
As far as people hitting on people it feels like it happens less so than being an account executive. You know, people talk about in the entertainment industry how people with power will try to take advantage of you and it’s nothing compared to what it’s like in big business. It’s nothing, totally negligible, and so much easier to deal with.
Maybe the guys get over it because you’re standing in a room full of girls that look the same as you, so they just move on. It’s much different than being the only woman in a group of guys.
What about when you’re hit on outside of business or industry?
I am definitely extroverted in how I communicate with people, but I don’t often reach out. Like if I make eye contact and think, “that person seems interesting,” instead of maintaining eye contact I will run away and hide. I think if they’re interested they’ll come over here.
Do you get approached?
And what generally happens on an approach? What does the guy do?
Good question. Usually guys are pretty straightforward. Where they’ll say “What are you doing here?” or “What’s going on?” And then there’s this backwards approach where the guy seems to be accidentally talking to you. I find that to be really funny and more like what I would do.
An indirect approach?
Yes, indirect. It’s so much easier for me to respond to that because it feels less scary. It’s like, oh you’re just accidentally standing here and I’m just accidentally standing here. Whereas the direct approach – which seems to be preferable to guys – makes me feel like a ‘deer in the head lights’. I don’t know what to do, even if there’s no reason I should feel that way.
So, if a guy’s straight forward and says something like, “Hey I just saw you across the bar and thought you looked really cute…”
(Tasha’s squints and turns her head away)
They can’t see the face you’re making –
I’m making a face like, “Ahh, run away.” Even if I was like, “Oh my god, I want to talk to this person” and that’s how they walked up to me, I’d be frozen like, “Ahhhh!” I would feel totally-intimidated by the fact that they just said that. Even though it’s a compliment and it’s meant to be not intimidating – it’s still intimidating.
Are there any patterns you see in your dating life?
Patterns. Well, there are some really obvious ones. Conversations tend to start with, “What do you do?” So when I said, “Oh, I work in sustainable building consulting,” everyone assumed it was something cool and interesting that I must want to talk about more, and I’d be like, “I have spent 60 hours this week talking about this.” I don’t like getting too caught up in talking about work. I believe that what people do for work can tell you about them, so if it can move past “Tell me about your work and the details about what you do” and it’s more about “Why do you do that?,” or “How did you get to do that?,” then that leads to that persons core as opposed to their outer layers.
You want someone to dig deeper.
Yeah, and it can happen really fast. Just ask, “What got you interested in that?”
So, life experiences are important for you to hear?
If somebody could tell me something interesting about their lives and their experiences I could sit there all night. As long as it’s something about their life it will probably be relatively interesting, unless that person hasn’t done anything, but everyone’s done something.
Tell me about the worst ways you’ve been hit on.
Powertrips. A lot of them were work-related, but the one that really made me recognize it was: I met someone at a friend’s party and he decided we were going to go out. He had just gotten this new car. I was living in Boulder and we were going to drive to Denver to see this art thing. We got on the freeway and he kind of made a sudden move and I reacted a little bit. He spent the rest of the trip driving like a fucking maniac. I said, “Are you doing this on purpose because it’s really bothering me?.” The more I expressed that he was making me nervous the more he drove like a maniac. It was the first time I realized he’s really trying to control me and he’s in control right now, because he has the steering wheel. By the time we got to dinner, it was already game over.
What do you feel about a guy trying to learn seduction?
I think it’s a great idea. I think, like anything, the more you’re educated on something the more you can make better decisions. We all only have our own perspectives. Just examining any part of your life can be important and this seems like a pretty important part of life. Getting to live the life you want to live seems like a good thing to pursue.
That’s great. Some people think it’s manipulative.
I don’t want to feel like you’re taking step A, step B, and step C. I want them to understand the steps and incorporate them into their lives. I want it to feel natural and it is if you understand it in the right way, it will become natural.
Tell me about the best date you’ve ever been on.
I prefer the date to be active. I want to go to a show and grab a drink beforehand – as opposed to going to a show and grabbing a drink after – because that insinuates an expectation to sleep together. I don’t like anything that feels like a set-up to sleep with someone, even if that’s not what it is.
If the map leads to sex, that’s not good.
Yeah, even if it’s what I want to happen, I’ll still be intimidated by it.
Tell me about a specific date.
I can think of a really great date where I went to an outdoor venue. We actually totally didn’t know each other and barbecued in the parking lot, with a growler of beer from a local brewery. We were able to get to know each other and then went to a show afterwards. That relationship worked out. It went on for years.
What was the conversation like?
Well, it was active, so we had to be doing something, which gave us things to talk about, which led to stories. “Grab the coals and put them in the grill” turned into a conversation about shopping. “This growler came from this local brewery.” “Here’s what happened when I went in.” Everything led to a story which was really comfortable. Other people would come over and talk to us so there was a lot to talk about, but it wasn’t like talking about our deepest thoughts on god. But, we got to learn how we said things, how we talked to each other, how we responded to other people.
So you got to learn about each other through actions?
Yes, and it was little things. Like how you accomplish a goal together. There was another guy, where we went camping.
You went camping as a first date?
Well, we were camping as a group. They left and he said, “Do you want to stay another night?”
You met while camping or beforehand?
We had known each other. We had climbed with the same friends. We went camping and they left. We stayed another night. I love when things like that happen. If someone’s like, “Hey, do you want to go do this?” And I’m thinking, “This is going to turn into a date.”
You like the idea of having an adventure with someone who you can work together with.
Yeah, totally. Little tasks to do: Get wood. Put wood on fire.
How important is the first kiss?
It’s definitely a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ moment.
I went on a date here at a nearby restaurant, walked back to the house and it was this, “I’m going to walk you back to your door and force this kiss to happen” kind of thing. And I could see that he was like, “Yeah, I did it,” and I was like, “Uhh, you didn’t. Game over.” There was no moment there. If there’s not a moment, save it for next time.
There’s this idea that if you miss that moment, it’s over. What do you think?
No way man. If a moment’s passed, that’s okay, There’ll be another one. Don’t just try and force one in before the date is over.
Speed is shit. Timing is everything.
Yes! Also, if there is a moment, try and heighten it. If there’s no moment, just wait.
Tell me about the sexiest moment you’ve had while dating.
Same date as before, with the outdoor show. It was getting cold and I had a pair of pants in my car, but they were too big. I asked him if he happened to have a belt I could use and he said, “I don’t have an extra one, but I can give you mine.” At the end of the night he said, “I need that belt back.” Before I knew it, he undid the belt and yanked it off me and I was like, “Huh! What just happened?” It was so fast and it was so suave. That was the moment and that was the first kiss.