You might not be able to be Indiana Jones, but there’s one thing you definitely can be: Your best self. There is literally no excuse for not being the most-excellent man you can be. What’s more, this allows you to be your more authentic self. Fewer things are going to give you a more fulfilling life or become more attractive to women than being your true, authentic self.  

But, we don’t just want you being authentic. We want you being the super you. This is the YOU that you know lurks inside, but you aren’t sure how to bring out. We started to hint at this in our email about how you can cultivate a more well-rounded and powerful personality. So how do you become your best self? How do you become the inner-self you’ve always dreamed of becoming, but never thought possible?  

Why Authenticity Matters: Confidence vs. Self-Esteem 

Before we get any further, let’s talk a bit about why authenticity matters. We’re big believers that even before you have certain qualities deep inside yourself, you should be acting like you do. However, note the subtle difference between confident behavior and deep self-esteem. You can fake confidence, but you can’t fake self-esteem. This is part of why the latter is so-much-more powerful. It’s not a behavior. It’s a state of mind. One that penetrates everything you do, even when you’re not trying.  

Put the guy with self-esteem in a room full of guys practicing confidence and it’s not even going to be a competition. He’s going to blow them away every time. Because, while acting in a confident manner requires some degree of effort, having self-esteem requires absolutely no effort whatsoever. It’s just something that happens.

Why Authenticity Matters: Deviating From the Stack 

Having a ‘stack’ is crucial, especially for the approach and especially when you start getting out there and meeting women for the first time. However – at some point – you’re going to have to go off-script, no matter how deep and well-planned your ‘stack’ is. This is where an authentic personality – packed to the brim with self-esteem – is going to make a massive difference between you and every other guy out at the bar.  

Remember what we said above about the difference between the act of confidence and presence of self-esteem? Well, this difference goes deeper. It goes into flirting, bantering and teasing. Having a clean, lean-and-mean stack that gets you into the middle part of your game is great, but what’s better than that is having the powerful, authentic personality to pick up where the stack leaves off. Guys who have spent some time figuring out who they are and why they are that way are going to excel in areas where guys who only have the world’s best script are going to fail.  

So, how do you get this kind of authenticity and the self-esteem that comes with it? Because -make no mistake about it – the two go together like peanut butter and jelly.

How to Become Your Best Self 

Exercise One: Get Honest With Yourself 

You’re going to write about what you want out of life. The emphasis here needs to be on things that you might be reticent to admit that you want out of life to others.  

The point of this exercise is radical self-honesty. Many times, we hide ‘darker’ parts of ourselves, or even parts of our personality that others have told us are ‘bad.’ Only by being radically honest about what you want out of life can you truly get to know who you are, decide which of the things you want are worth going for and make concrete plans to go for them.

Exercise Two: Self-Criticism 

Becoming your best self and gaining self-esteem starts with self-criticism. You don’t want to degenerate into beating yourself up, because that’s counterproductive. What you do want to do is make an honest account of the places in your life you see opportunity for growth. The more dispassionate you can be about this, the better. These aren’t moral judgments. This is identifying where you want to improve your life so you can start getting there.  

Now, you’re going to pick the five most-important things on that list. Over the next five weeks, you’re going to dedicate a single week to each thing you’ve identified. What you’re looking for here is not perfection, but solid forward motion. Cheerlead for yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back for the hard work that you’re doing. You deserve it and it’s going to help you keep moving.  

Exercise Three: Affirmations 

Affirmations get a bad rep, but for good reason: All too many ‘self-help gurus’ tout them as a way to give yourself a pep talk into feeling better about yourself without teaching you how they really work.  

Basically, affirmations work because they’re true. The thought in your head about how much you hate yourself drags you down. It’s not a subjective process — it’s totally chemical. And just like the chemical low that you get from trash talking yourself has real effects, so can building yourself up be just as effective, but you have to believe it.  

Sit down and list ten things about yourself that you think are great. If you can’t think of ten, think of five. If you can’t think of five, you’re not trying hard enough. These are your affirmations. Memorize them. Whenever you find yourself feeling down, remember them and remember that they’re true.  

Exercise Four: Exercise 

We won’t spend a lot of time on this because it explains itself: You’ve got to exercise. Not only is it necessary for your health, it’s going to boost your self-esteem in two ways: First, it’s going to release natural chemicals that give you self-esteem; Second, it’s going to give you a sense of accomplishment, whether you’re seeing ‘sick gains’ or not. Jog. Take a boxing class. Sign up for a gym. Whatever you do, get active. 

Exercise Five: Learn a New Skill 

Few things give you self-esteem quicker than learning a new skill. Maybe you’re learning how to speak French or maybe you’re learning how to make a birdhouse. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you’re achieving things that maybe you thought you never could. That’s going to build you up fast, especially if it’s a particularly ‘manly’ skill like weightlifting, fixing old engines or woodworking.  

These are five ways to start building your self-esteem in natural, organic and lasting ways. We’d love to hear how they’re working out for you. Shoot us an email. If we get enough stories, we’ll share them in the future.

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