Most of the guys we talk to tell us that they’re not looking for one-night stands or hookup buddies. You’ve been there, you’ve done that and you’re over it. What you’re really looking for is a woman that you can make a connection with. However, just wanting isn’t enough to make it happen. In fact, the same men who want to make romantic connections frequently have trouble making them happen.
Romantic interest is, in effect, a bilateral emotional investment. You invest in her emotionally and she invests back in you. However, there can be a lot of stumbling blocks on the way to creating those kinds of connections. What are some of the biggest reasons you’re not able to create a romantic connection? Figuring out what’s holding you back is the first step toward demolishing the obstacles in front of you.
Problem Number One: Coming on too strong:
It’s not that you’re not supposed to show interest in women when you’re interested, quite the contrary. However, showing interest and bombarding her with interest are two different things. Any connection that you might have been creating can quickly fall apart if you start fawning all over her. Coming on too strong can make women uncomfortable, even women who are already interested in you. You can destroy the spark of romantic attraction by laying it on too thick.
Problem Number Two: Interview questions:
You’re never going to create a connection with interview questions. Interview questions are when you keep asking her personal questions about herself that she’s already answered 20 times tonight. No matter how much you’re into her, this type of questioning just isn’t going to set you apart from the pack. If you’re not set apart, you’re not going to be able to create a romantic connection. What’s more, you’re going to put her on edge by asking her all of these questions — like she’s on a job interview.
Problem Number Three: Trying too hard to relate:
She tells you that she’s from Japan. You tell her that your best friend’s cousin’s boyfriend once studied there. That’s not interesting and she doesn’t care. That’s because you’ve just told her nothing that’s relevant or interesting to her. If you two have something in common, it’s good to play to those strengths. What’s not good is trying way too hard to create commonalties where there aren’t any. Not only is it not going to create connections, it’s going to come across as desperate and forced.
Problem Number Four: Being aloof:
Remember what we said about coming on too strong? There’s a balance to be struck here. You don’t want to overwhelm her with interest. At the same time you don’t want to go out of your way to deny that you have any interest in her at all. Guys who think that they’re going to create romantic connections with women by pretending to ignore them are dead wrong. In fact, guys who aren’t letting women know they’re interested might be buying a one-way ticket to the ‘friend zone’.
Problem Number Five: Oversharing:
Have you ever been out at a bar, talking to a woman and she says something that makes you go “Whoa! I could have gone without knowing that!” Well, it’s not just women that are doing that. In general, you want to keep negative or painful experience to yourself, unless you can find a way to spin them so they’re amusing. There’s nothing wrong with an embarrassing story that you’ve crafted to be a hilarious yarn, but out at a bar trying to create a romantic connection is not the time to start sharing painful experiences. It’s certainly not going to help you create the connection that you’re going for.
Problem Number Six: Being a downer:
This is also related, but a somewhat-separate problem from the above: If she compliments you and you reject her compliments, what does that say to you? More importantly, what does it say to her? You want to be fun-loving and outgoing when you’re trying to create an emotional connection. That’s what is going to create the kind of environment that allows you two to be comfortable around one another. Without that kind of environment, you’re never going to be able to create the connection you’re going for.
Continue with the love reading routine….