Now we come to the conclusion of our four-part series. We’ve taught you about the science of attraction, the science of seduction and the science of love. All very different things underpinning the various stages of dating. Now it’s time to talk about what the ultimate goal of your dating life — the science of love.
Getting a woman to fall in love with you is no accident. You can make it happen. However, if you don’t have the right tools, you might keep failing time and again. It’s not a simple matter of getting her attracted to you, seducing her, dating her and letting that lead where it may. No, it’s a whole other skill set. If you don’t have it you’re back to relying on the same old things that haven’t been working for you — which is about the same as relying upon blind luck.
Before you read this, it might be useful to refer back to earlier articles. The reason being, you’re going to build on what we’ve taught you there.
Attraction leads to seduction leads to dating leads to love. And when you’re building love, you still need to rely on the arts of attraction, seduction and dating to keep it going. With all that said, there are some things that are pretty specific to the science of love.
You can create love in your life. But you need to know how.
So what does go into making people fall in love?
Chemicals, Of Course
You know how it feels when you’re in love: You’re nervous, a little anxious, flustered and it’s hard to get your mind off of your beloved. Of course, it’s exactly the same for her when she’s in love with you. Anthropologist Helen Fisher has hypothesized that there are three stages of love, each of them associated with different chemicals.
This makes sense, because there are definitely different stages of love: New love and old love are equally beautiful, but different. Still, it would make sense that the chemicals responsible for those feelings would be wildly different.
What are the three phases of love?
Phase 1: Lust
You know how this is. Sure, you’ve been physical before. Now you can’t keep your hands off each other. You’re finding any and all opportunities to get down to business. Maybe your friends are making little asides at just how you two are carrying on… but neither of you care.
This might just be the most fun part of being in love and you’re not going to be surprised when we tell you what causes it: estrogen and testosterone, though mostly the latter.
While we tend to think of testosterone as the domain of men, this actually isn’t the full story. In fact, estrogen plays a key role in the sex drives of women as well as men. So when the two of you are in the lust phase of love, you’ve both got testosterone cooking on overdrive.
There’s a way to make the most of this stage of love; A way to set the right foundation for your future relationship. Going down this road blind can create major problems during the second phase of love.
Phase 2: Attraction
According to Fisher, this is where it starts becoming about much more than just sex. It’s when the two of you start getting really stuck on one another. You know when you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you can’t work and you can’t really get much done but thinking about the next time you’re going to see your sweetie?
That’s attraction, the deliciously awful period when your mind can think of nothing but the one you love.
There are four neurotransmitters we’ve met before that cause this, collectively known as “monoamines.” They are:
• Dopamine: The addictive chemical that’s also released when people use cocaine or smoke cigarettes.
• Adrenalin: When you feel your heart racing and your palms sweating, that’s adrenalin working overtime.
• Serotonin: Ever met a guy who was totally insane because he was in love? That was serotonin, which can seriously screw with your brain and the way you think.
Addicted to another person. Sweaty and nervous when they’re not around. Doing stupid things because you’re in love. Does any of this sound familiar? It should if you’ve ever been one of the lucky saps who got to fall in love.
Much like lust, you can leverage this for a great relationship; or you can stumble around, ham-fistedly getting things half right here and there. If you want to have the best relationship possible, you need to build the right foundation (lust) and the right frame (attraction). Doing otherwise is a recipe for disaster.
Stylelife Academy knows how to build your relationship the right way.
Stage 3: Attachment
Here’s where things start to cool down a little. It’s not that the two of you are any less in love than you were before — it’s just that your feelings, both sexual and emotional aren’t nearly as intense as they once were. It’s where relationships settle into and it’s actually quite nice.
• Oxytocin: Here’s that love drug we talked about again. You get it during cuddling, but you also both get a dose of it during orgasm. And really, what’s better than the feeling of love coupled with an orgasm?
• Vasopressin: This chemical, released by your liver of all places, is the one responsible for long-term commitment. In fact, when you combine it oxytocin you’ve got a seriously powerful cocktail.
And, as with the other two phases of love, you need to get this one right. It’s a question of whether or not you want to put the work in now, building the relationship in the right way as you go or if you want to have to do a lot of rebuilding later on. The former is the easy way, the latter is the hard way.
Stylelife Academy is here to help you do it the right way.