Technology is Great, But an Ineffective Way to Meet Women
Emma writes…
In general, I think dating apps are an impersonal, pointless waste of time. I was recently at a concert with a friend. I looked over to see if she was enjoying the show, and she was on Tinder scrolling through a list of guys so quickly I couldn’t even see their faces.
“What are you doing?” I asked, shocked.
“I just like to see who is here,” she said.
“Do you have any intention of meeting up with them?” I asked.
“No, silly,” she said. “I’m here with you.”
After the concert, I sat down with my friend for a cocktail to assess what she really does with her Tinder and Hinge matches, and most importantly, is it working out for her? Our conversation launched a couple months worth of dating app discussions with many, many women. While I did find a few exceptions, most of the time at least one person in a match didn’t reply, and most women had no intention on meeting up with matches who did message them. My initial gut reaction to the nebulous world of dating apps was reinforced, and consequently generated these four reasons why you should put down your phone and get back to the real world.
1. Chemistry Doesn’t Translate
I happen to be one of those women who doesn’t have a “type” of guy. Sure I love a tall, dark and handsome man, but I also love a short blonde man. I have dated a tall Indian man, a short black man and, for years, I dated a man with red hair. While the initial attraction may grab my attention, it is the chemistry that keeps me wanting more. The chemistry makes me my stomach turn wondering if he is going to ask me for my number. The chemistry inspires me to tell my best stories and show my brightest, shiniest self. The chemistry makes me want to go on a second and third date. But the chemistry does not translate through an app.
The “hot” or “not” nature of dating applications under-represents people with brilliant personalities and over-represents a pretty face without a lot of substance. Translation: You have no idea what you are getting. I undoubtedly would have passed up a lot of great guys if I were basing my opinion solely on looks. Applications don’t show you a person’s sense of humor, their love for dogs, or the adorable way they move their hands around a lot when they are telling a story. By scrolling through a list of faces and choosing “hot” or “not” you miss out on the very best part of meeting someone for the first time: the chemistry. Many people – men and women alike – don’t even get the chance to show their personalities and let the chemistry work its magic because they are axed out based on how they look in one photo.
2. You have Better Things to Do
I have watched friend after friend check their dating apps while we are at dinner, concerts, lounging in the park, riding to the beach. Once I asked a friend, “If you spend the amount of time reading an actual book that you do scrolling through pictures of strangers, how many books do you think you would have read so far this year?” She replied, “Three maybe even four.” So you could read eight books a year or scroll through thousands and thousands of pictures of strangers who you will likely never meet. Which one is going to make you a more fulfilled, dynamic, cool chick in the end? “The books,” she replied without setting down her phone or looking my way.
If you spend your time doing something that makes you more dynamic, interesting, and fun, then you won’t want to hide behind your phone.
3. Your Chances Suck
There are 53 million single women in America alone. Of the many women I spoke with about their use of dating apps, only a small handful had gone on actual dates. Of those people, I only met one person who the date actually worked out for, and she is quite the exception. She is overly confident, spicy, and aggressive. She is very forthcoming with what she wants. She messaged the guy four times until he finally replied. Miraculously, he was not creeped out by her. I would never message someone four times and neither would any of my friends. This woman is rare.
One statistic I found stated that 51% of single people had flirted online while only 6% of single people had gone on actual dates. These were from dating websites. On dating applications, men and women have 1% chance of going on a date and a less than .001% chance of having a relationship. In short, you chances of actually going on a date suck. Your chances of finding love are almost non-existent.
4. Your Issues Prevail
So you are afraid of asking a woman out. You become anxious, get sweaty and nervous, and you are certain she will say no. You leave without asking her. You regret it. Guess what doesn’t help in making that any better or any easier? Hiding behind your cell phone.
When it comes to finding love and being in relationships, we are all scared of something. I am scared too. I am scared that I am too much to handle or not tall enough or that guys are cautious of me because I write about dating and relationships. I am afraid I am being judged, and in truth, sometimes I am being judged. Sometimes people won’t take to me. The chemistry won’t spark. Something won’t be there. That’s okay.
To move forward beyond our fears and lead with courage and confidence, we have to put ourselves in situations where we are forced to be better, different, and stronger than the times before. The more we put down our phones and put ourselves in situations that force us to interact with romantic potentials, be brave, use the skills that we have gained, the better our chances of finding a fit.
Learn the skill to be your best brave self
Emma
Stylelife’s Female Dating Advisor
welcome your thoughts, ideas and feedback via in the comments field below.
3 Comments on “4 Reasons to Delete Your Dating App”
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Excellent article and so true. The point about chemistry was a revelation for me. Real people are better than thumbnails!