How to Get to Know a Woman Better: Themes for Conversational Flexibility

Some successful social artists prefer to think more in terms of “themes” than routines as that provides a tremendous amount of conversational flexibility. Thing is, many guys talk about the wrong themes. So, let’s look at how to lead her into a conversation about relationships – an all-time favorite female topic.

Let’s say you’re talking fluff and you want to take the conversation deeper, to learn what she’s really about and to show her that you’re different than the others. You could say something like:

“Jen, I really enjoy getting to know people on a deeper level… In many surface ways we’re all similar but on a deep level our experience of the world is different. So, if I were to ask you what fascinates you, what would you say?”

(This is a good structure because it also offers her a challenge.)

She will give you an answer that you can likely talk about for a long period of time but for the sake of this discussion, let’s just say the opportunity then opens for you to tell her what fascinates you. You could then say:

“I’m really fascinated by social interactions… The way men and women connect and are attracted to each other and what they value in each other…like you for example, what’s the first thing you notice about someone you’re attracted to?”

Let’s say she then replies, “His smile.”

Now, you smile and might say something like “Yes, yes, a smile says so much about a person… When you see someone with a great smile, how does that make you feel?”

She might respond: “Comfortable.”

Now you can say: “So comfort is really important to you… What else is really important to you in someone you’re attracted to?”

Suppose she says: “Sense of humor.”

Now you want to probe deeper: “So when you meet someone with a fantastic sense of humor, what does that allow you to feel?”

Maybe she answers “Happy.”

Now you can say something funny to make her laugh and then say, “Ah so you like to be happy… Happiness means something different to everybody. How do you, Jen, know when you are happy.”

She will then explain to you how she experiences happiness…and now you know she values a smile and a sense of humor which ultimately give her comfort and happiness…

Once you do that with three qualities, you can say “So if you were to meet someone who had a great a smile, a great sense of humor, and Y, and you could feel comfortable, happy, and Z, how would you feel then?”

Chances are the two of you are now bonded in a very deep way and you know a lot about her that even her friends don’t know because you’ve elicited that information in a way that feels really good for her. Now, depending on the energy, you could transition back to something lighter or keep going but you have now gone from superfluous conversation to a depth she likely doesn’t get to very often with other people. And that makes you very different.

The key is to use this concept as a conversational tool, not a script. You are trying to get to know another person, not interview them and not to mark off questions from your list. These queries enable to you learn more about her, so be sincere, be interested, and be an attentive listener. This will definitely set you apart from all the other guys are the bar!

One Comment on “How to Get to Know a Woman Better: Themes for Conversational Flexibility”

  1. This was such a great post. As someone that really loves to get to know people on a deeper level, I gravitate to something like this. I sometimes have concerns about how to introduce a deeper conversation but this post really helped me out. I’m definitely going to practice it and be in a space of just being interested in the person…not trying to “get something from them” like validation or interest. Very cool. Keep these gems coming. really helpful 😉

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