6 Ways to Increase Comfort and Acceptance in the People You Meet

If you can’t make people comfortable to be around you, you’re not going to attract women and you’re not going to make friends. Making people comfortable in your presence is the first step toward the process of attraction, whether you’re talking to the most beautiful girl at the bar, trying to make new friends or bucking for a promotion at work. But if you set people on edge, you’re not going to be able to make it happen.

Every tip provided in this post (as well as in a forthcoming second part of this mini-series) is not just for meeting women, it’s for meeting new people. In business, social networking, on vacation, in the store, anywhere, anytime.

Whether or not people are comfortable with you is no accident. Rather, it’s something that you can cultivate over time. It’s something that you can get people to do every time you meet them. It’s something that you can start implementing the very next time that you hit the bar, or even stand in line at the supermarket. Here’s how.

Rooting the Interaction
Has this ever happened to you? You walk up to a girl. It might be at a bar or a club. It might be somewhere else, like a coffee shop or even waiting for a bus. From the second you open your mouth you can tell that you’ve set her a bit on edge. How did you get started off on the wrong foot?

You failed to root the interaction. People are generally made uncomfortable by uncertainty. So you root the interaction by saying explaining why you talk to her. Maybe you admire her scarf and want to find out where she bought it, because it would be the perfect birthday gift for your sister. Or maybe her food looks yummy and you want to know what she ordered. Or maybe you want to get directions. Whatever it is you say, tell her the reason.

Smile
We’ve written about smiling before, the simplest thing you can do to improve your game. But so many people continue to overlook the efficacy of this simple technique. And while it’s simple advice, it’s by no means obvious:

You need to smile, and not just with your mouth.

A winning smile will open doors for you. Millions of years of human evolution have conditioned us to see a smile as inviting and friendly. Tossing someone a warm and, above all, genuine smile is one of the easiest ways to get someone to feel comfortable around you. If you’re not sure about your smile, don’t be afraid to spend a little time practicing it to get it right. Use a mirror or discuss it with your wingman. It might feel a little uncomfortable, but that’s just as you’re getting accustomed to smiling and paying attention to your beaming face.

Take Off Your Sunglasses
Whether you’re at the beach or at the club, take your sunglasses off when you approach. Eye contact is a scientifically proven way of creating a powerful connection with someone. If you’re blocking their view of your eyes, it’s going to block your ability to make people feel comfortable around you.

You can put your sunglasses back on after you’ve seen that they’re comfortable around you. Take them off, then once you’ve created comfort, simply say, “Sorry, it’s too bright, do you mind if I throw these back on?”

Don’t Bicker
You might think you’re really smart and you might even be right, but do you think anyone wants to argue with a stranger? In fact, debate isn’t just one of the least arousing types of conversations going, it’s also one of the surest ways to kill any potential for attraction between you and someone you’ve just met.

Think about it: You walk up to her and you’re already doing something that might set her on edge. If you start arguing about some point — no matter how “right” you might feel that you are — it’s only going to put her more on edge. That’s not where you want to begin and it’s certainly not where you end.

If she directly asks your opinion on something, be diplomatic. A simple “I can’t say I agree” is fine. Nodding and telling her that you “see her point,” is better: You’ve actually said nothing about whether or not she’s right or wrong.

Now, let’s be clear… we’re not suggesting that you have to put up with people who don’t share your values. This isn’t to insinuate that you need to be a push over and spinelessly agree with everything she says. The positive results of improving your social skills leads you to able to have choices about who you share time with. But that’s down the road. Right now, during the initial interaction, you’re not trying to convert people to your politics, you’re not trying to change anyone’s mind, you’re not trying to do anything other than make them comfortable. So no arguing allowed.

Mirror Her Body Language
Want to know the simplest life hack this side of smiling for getting a person to feel comfortable around you? Begin by mirroring their body language.

We’re not telling you to play “the mirror game.” We mean things that are more general than that. For example, when someone leans forward in a chair, match them in doing so. If they lean up against a bar, follow them in doing so. This creates a natural affinity between the two of you that will have the other person feeling comfortable being around you in no time.

Don’t Hover
One of the biggest mistakes guys make when they approach is to stand over someone who is seated. This is a very imposing kind of body language, better is to be on the same “level.” If you approach a woman and she’s seated, you want to sit next to her, begin to talk to her. Once she is starting to be comfortable with you, just say, “Ok, I’m going to tell you this [last] story, but I’ve to go in minute” and sit down. Always be intuitive and thoughtful. If it feels like she does not enjoy the interaction, just say, “It was a please meeting you” and leave.

Tune in next time when we talk about more advanced techniques in Part 2 for making her comfortable soon after you approach.