Emma writes…
Part I

I recently asked some of my girlfriends about their views on men who are eager to learn the kind of stuff Stylelife teaches. I asked that they be honest on their opinion and thoughts about guys who beef up their knowledge of women before heading out on the town approaching women. What do women think of men who read articles and books, attend seminars and otherwise gather dating information? “If it makes a guy more comfortable in the dating process, why do I care what information he is gathering?” said one friend. Another casually shrugged her shoulders and said she didn’t really care what about dating as long as it gave them confidence. Another agreed until eventually the consensus was that women aren’t concerned about the method through which men learn how to approach and treat a woman as long as they learn to do it and do it with confidence.

We are evolving, learning and changing human beings in some way or another on a path towards self-improvement. For some it has to do with earned income, others are focused on getting rock hard abs, being a better parent, mastering a foreign language. A large lot, myself included, seek guidance in putting together the pieces of the love puzzle. Women are constantly bombarded with information about men, love and dating. Magazine covers are screaming at us. Books advise us how to find husbands. An entire genre of film is largely dedicated to women finding love. Dating advice for women is rampant, and discussing dating struggles and success has become socially acceptable commonplace. As a woman in the dating world, I too take advantage of the plethora of information for me on dating. I believe, that because of my dedication to self-improvement, I am a better candidate for love. I am not ashamed of that.

But some men are. Most cultures operate as if men “should know” how to approach, charm and create a relationship with women. While the best of these men are the actual seducers, even the average man is expected to confidently execute the basics. Approaching women should come naturally. Men are expected to know exactly how to spark an ingratiating conversation and that leaves a woman both flattered and intrigued. This is not always the case, and in fact this is rarely the case as men are not as bombarded with information.

From adolescence, men must either learn from role models or seek out direction in dating on their own accord. In absence of a strong and dedicated mentor, most guys are little shaky in their confidence with women. Even more confident men often feel like they could use a little insight or guidance. In fact, even the most confident men do not have all the answers and are not perfectly versed in the ways of a woman. Most men need at least some help. But because men are supposed to inherently know how to approach women, a shameful stigma is tied to those men who struggle on a path towards romantic enlightenment. Should these men be ashamed if the charmed gene skipped them forcing them to seek out romantic guidance? Is there something wrong with men wanting to build confidence and skill to navigate the dating process? And most importantly, are women really turned off by men you are not innately romantic seducers and require research, guidance and charm tools? The answer: not really.

Just like men aren’t afraid to admit that they are dedicated to working out to get rock hard abs, you shouldn’t be afraid to admit that you are dedicated to learning about women. The women I spoke with appreciate men who work to improve their areas of opportunity – dating being one of them. “As long as they are learning tobe the best versions of themselves and aren’t learning to become someone else, I’m fine with it,” said one friend. The women agreed and as the conversation continued, there was one theme I heard repeatedly on women’s views on men being coached on dating: authenticity. Using your acquired to skills to gain confidence in approaching women is actually a turn on as long as your approach is authentic. From a female point of view, we don’t want you to be someone you are not.

As long as your intentions are authentic, then putting time and effort into learning about women is admirable. Some women even find it flattering. Learning express your real and genuine self with women is better than any magazine article I can read about decoding guys texts or tossing my hair mid conversation. You are intentionally taking time to learn how to show your very best side of yourself authentically. And that will get you a lot further than rock hard abs. –Emma

Continue reading: Part II: Stylelife Bootcamp: A Female Perspective

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