The Old Standbys are Successful for a Reason
It’s the same old story, but I don’t want to be rude. So I let the guy continue. “I don’t wanna use canned material,” he says. Then he trots out the usual justifications.
It just doesn’t feel right. It’s not his style. It won’t work because it won’t be congruent. He wants to be like a natural. I’ve heard them all a thousand times. They are excuses guys use to protect themselves from having to step outside of their comfort zones.
News flash: Everyone uses canned material.
Have you ever walked up to a girl and said, “Hi, my name is __________.” That’s a canned opener. Did you ever ask her “what is your name?” or “where are you from?” or “what do you do for a living?” Those are canned qualification questions.
Did you make them up? Were you the first person to ever use them? Of course not.
You use canned material. It’s just bad canned material. If I had a few different questions that would allow you to get to know the girl way better than the ones above wouldn’t you want them?
If you constantly run out of things to say or you lose a girl’s interest, then canned material is your answer. If you need to write your own to be sure you can deliver the material congruently and be genuinely interested in the subject manner then do so, but don’t swear canned material off because it doesn’t feel right.
What feels right to you isn’t always what works best. Observe any natural when he talks to women and notice that he repeats the same stories time and time again. I knew a natural who managed to mention his family’s vineyard in chili every time he met a new woman. This fact alone had multiple demonstration of higher value spikes and conversational threads attached.
When a natural hooks a group in a bar and then takes them to play darts, pool, foosball, or whatever else is around, he initiates them into a fun and interesting activity. This is no different than using one of Stylelife’s field proven routines such as “Shag, Marry, Kill” (from the Attraction Super Pack) or “The 5 Questions Game” (if you don’t know that one, run a quick YouTube search to see a video of Style performing it).
This sort of stuff gets people to have fun. There is nothing strange or evil about it. When a girl reads her horoscope, she is aware that any other girl with access to that same newspaper can read the same words, but she still enjoys it. She isn’t upset at the publisher, she isn’t going to “call him out” on the fact that he wrote these words to other readers. She is just going to smile and enjoy the experience. When you use Gypsy’s palm read or any other esoteric routine, you give her that same opportunity to enjoy herself. Plus it’s guaranteed to be far more interesting than “Hi, my name is __________.”
Admit to yourself that “it doesn’t feel right” isn’t a valid reason to try something. To become a great social artist you absolutely must learn into your comfort zone and utilize this stuff. An aversion to canned material will not serve your goals. Embracing these tools for all they are worth will. It is acceptable to have the desire to freestyle in the field as much as you can, but have at least one script in your back pocket for when you might get stuck.
For example, if you want to approach but go blank on what to say, then bust out your canned opener. When you have opened, but the set is stalling and you can’t think of what to do next, run your favorite DHV story. In a situation where she is attracted to you, then suddenly you start to freeze up, let your canned qualification line be your best friend.
As you amass more social experience you will be able to use less canned material in any given approach. You are likely to even get to the point where you hardly ever need to use any at all. However, for all those moments you do need the routines to keep going or to advance you to the next level of the interaction, you would be cheating yourself not to use them.
So the next time you find yourself passing up a set because you “don’t like opinion openers” immediately file that thought in the excuse category. Count down from three and open before you hit zero. A month down the line, when that quality woman you approached is now your amazing girlfriend, I promise neither of you will care what your opener was. You will be far too busy enjoying what happened next.