Why Humor Isn't Necessarily What Women Want

Every interview with women says the same thing. “What do you want in a man?” the reporter asks. “A sense of humor,” the woman replies. It’s simply become the default answer in our culture. According to a 2013 Match.com research that was published on ABC News, 58% of women rated “a sense of humor/makes me laugh” as a must have in the relationship. Only respect and trust were rated higher than humor.

However, if this is true, why aren’t comedians known for getting as much action as rockstars?

In a recent article in Playboy, comedian Gilbert Gottfried lamented this quandary.

“If women were really attracted to a sense of humor, they’d be trampling over Johnny Depp to get to Jay Leno,” Gottfried writes. “They’d be pushing Ryan Gosling out of the way to grope the ample buttocks of Larry the Cable Guy.”

Now, as a company that has taught social skills and attraction to thousands of people around the world, we’ve never believed the humor myth. Our founder Neil Strauss has spent enough time backstage at rock shows and at comedy shows to notice the distinct lack of women clamoring over the jokesters. However, that’s not to say that Stylelife advises you to be dry, boring, and dull.

Instead, don’t worry so much about jokes as improvisational flow. What comedians have that you should emulate is a quick wit, an ability to react and respond to whatever conversation topic comes up. A number of the Stylelife staff are improv veterans. They all swear by the skills you learn in improv and their usefulness in social settings and seduction.

The other comedy skill we advise you should develop is a willingness to not take yourself too seriously. Be willing to laugh at yourself, to share embarrassing stories, to admit your faults and insecurities. This doesn’t mean flaying your deepest darkest secrets open for the world. But pay attention to comedy routines and you’ll notice how even the most confident stand up expert isn’t bashful about discussing his bowel movements or the descent of his ball sack as he ages. They’re not shy. They’re willing to share these vulnerable moments. You can do the same thing when you talk to women.

A couple of Stylelife coaches even have a comedy band, so ultimately, it’s not that we don’t value laughter. To be successful with women, you shouldn’t worry so much about learning jokes, and focus your efforts on developing the ability to improvise and display a quick wit.

2 Comments on “Why Humor Isn't Necessarily What Women Want”

  1. Pingback: 2 Tips on Humor and Interacting with Women | Neil Strauss' Stylelife Academy

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