Six Steps to Sex: A Female Perspective

Emma writes…

So you have been on several dates with a pretty special lady. You successfully conquered a mid-date first kiss and ended the date with your second kiss. You regularly hold hands and have noticed that she finds ways to brush her arm, leg, or hand against you every chance that she gets. The more time you spend with her, the more you want to take it to the next level. But how to go about it? And how far to go? What is too much? What is just right? And how do you ensure a mind-blowing first experience that will both consummate your love and keep her interested?

Step One
Make sure she feels as comfortable as possible. Finding small ways to make sure she feels comfortable during your first sexual experience together, will both make the experience more enjoyable for both of you and reassure her that you are invested and care for her. This could mean assessing whose place she feels more comfortable at, “Would you like to come over? Or I don’t have to go home if you are more comfortable at your place.” Most women who feel strongly about being at their own place will let you know.

Step Two
Gauge your level of intimacy. Women will amp up the passion when they are ready to go all the way. If you have had a few major make outs, and she is pressing herself against you, it is likely that it is time. If you don’t trust your gauge, wait one or two extra dates until you feel certain. She will appreciate your consideration. Don’t wait so long that she becomes frustrated and feels like you don’t want to have sex with her. She should always know that you want to have sex with her right up until the main event.

I went on several dates with a guy who took three dates to kiss me and seven dates to really make out. I seriously thought maybe he wasn’t that attracted to me, so I started dating someone else at the same time and ended up sleeping with the second guy after our sixth date. When I broke things off with the first guy, he was confused. He said he thought things were going well. I told him that it didn’t appear that he was that interested in me. Remember, in the book He’s Just Not That Into You It says that if a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, he’s not that into you. Women believe that.

Step Three
Compliment. Most women are inherently self-conscious about something related to their body. Taking off our clothes for the first time with a new guy can be really nerve-racking, and we can get wrapped up in doubts and insecurities about our figure. Put that at ease right away. Simple compliments can combat self-consciousness quickly and seamlessly. I like a mixture of broad and specific compliments. You can never go wrong with: “You are so beautiful,” but follow it with something more specific like, “The way the light hits your shoulders is incredibly sexy.” I like when men compliment the body part they are focused one. As they move their lips down my stomach saying, “You have the most perfect abs.”

Compliment through the whole process, but do not overdo it. While we don’t need you to talk the entire duration, make sure your compliments aren’t clustered in the foreplay. Nothing is more maddening than when a man says nothing after sex. Reassure her that you loved the experience. Say you loved she looked when she tilted her head and her hair fell down her back. If you can’t think straight, at least say, “You are incredible.” Women like to hear that your interest didn’t end at the climax.

Step Four
Go slow. Foreplay is important. The physical flirtation that occurs during foreplay – kissing along her bra line, rubbing your fingers over her underwear, caressing her lower back and thighs can build anticipation and these physical overtures let her know how much you deeply desire her. More importantly, we don’t want to feel like you are just ripping off our clothes to rush to the main event. Women like to feel appreciated and desired and for many women, the physical touch of foreplay creates a winning combination of ease and excitement.

Step Five
But not too slow. Too much foreplay gives time to overthink things. Overthinking causes anxiety – the opposite of ease. We want our body worshiped, but not obsessed over, especially the first time you are intimate. Do not overdo the foreplay and compliments.

Step Six
Save some things for later. Nine out of the ten women I interviewed for this article said that oral sex is too personal for the first time they are intimate with a guy. Most women view oral sex as ”the next step” that occurs after having sex with a guy she is exclusively dating. From a female perspective, we don’t want to give away all of our best cards unless we are one hundred percent certain where it is going. Going down on a guy is special, selfless and for the majority of women, a level of shared affection indicative of a commitment to future sexual experiences together.


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