Stylelife: If your friends were to describe you in three words what would they say?
Nicole: That’s a tough one. Inquisitive, quirky, and positive.
Stylelife: What do they mean when they say you’re inquisitive?
Nicole: I love to learn. I think it’s something that’s important to do in life. I think it’s one of the purposes of life.
Stylelife: Is it important for guys that you date to be inquisitive as well? Are there any particular topics you’d like them to talk about?
Nicole: The topics themselves are not as important to me as just having that quality.
Stylelife: Okay, so what do you mean when you say your friends would describe you as quirky? That could mean a lot of things.
Nicole: You’re right it could mean a lot of things. (Laughs) Sometimes that could come across as not so positive I guess. I grew up in a very interesting family. I think it’s just a matter of being around my friends who know me really well. They’ll just look at me and say, “Nicole you’re so lovably bizarre.” (Laughs) It’s really hard to explain for myself though.
Stylelife: You grew up in an interesting family?
Nicole: My parents are a little bit eccentric. My mother is a Buddhist and my father was a staunch atheist. They’re very different they weren’t together when I was growing up. They’re both amazing people.
Stylelife: Do you think your parents affected the way that you date?
Stylelife: What effect do you think they had?
Nicole: I date a lot of artists.
Stylelife: Any particular type of artists?
Nicole: Musicians. I date a lot of musicians. My dad is a musician. So I think that… You know, not to get into the Freudian side of things, but…
Stylelife: It’s an important side of things when it comes to dating. So, dating musicians is a trend in your life. Is that a trend that you like? Is that a trend that you’re happy about?
Nicole: Yeah. I think so.
Stylelife: Of the dating experience you’ve had is there one that sticks out the most?
Nicole: Yeah. I went on a date with a married guy without knowing he was married. It was really unpleasant.
Stylelife: Can you tell me more about it?
Nicole: We worked on a film together and he asked me out. Then from the moment we met up he seemed nervous and I couldn’t quite tell why, because I met him on set and he seemed very confident and normal. He was so nervous. He kept looking around and a couple of things he said seemed a little suspicious. We sat down to eat and he still seemed kind of strange and it just wasn’t a turn on anymore because he was so different that the way that he was when I met him.
Stylelife: What was initially attractive about this guy?
Nicole: He was confident. He was very interested in me. We had good conversation. We had a few things in common. We both did yoga. We didn’t talk for super long. So initially that’s what it was.
Stylelife: Okay so when you say he was confident what does that mean? Lots of women say they want a guy who is confident. What does confident mean to you?
Nicole: He seemed like he had a good sense of who he was.
Stylelife: Are there any dates that you’ve gone on that you think were great dates?
Nicole: The second date I went on with my boyfriend was amazing.
Stylelife: What was the date?
Nicole: We went out to dinner and then we just went back to his house and talked and listened to records. He showed me so much music.
Stylelife: So he was your boyfriend at the time?
Nicole: No, not at the time. He’s currently my boyfriend.
Stylelife: How did you meet him?
Nicole: I met him shooting a music video.
Stylelife: What first made you interested in him?
Nicole: He’s very funny. He is incredibly knowledgeable. He makes it a point to know something about everything, which initially was very appealing to me, because he impressed me. He was warm, and affectionate and connecting.
Stylelife: What was your first interaction like?
Nicole: The first interaction I remember specifically. We had mutual friends who were making a music video and he got out of his car and walked up to me and hugged me and said, “You’re going to have to get used to me because we’re going to be hanging out all day.
Nicole: Yeah, I was playing his dream girl in the video.
Stylelife: Was he in the band?
Stylelife: He was an actor?
Stylelife: So when you go out do you get hit on often?
Nicole: Fairly often.
Stylelife: What do you think that guys are doing wrong when they hit on you?
Nicole: Being too forward is a big turn off.
Stylelife: What do you think is the creepiest thing the average guy does when he hits on someone?
Nicole: Well, pick-up lines never work.
Stylelife: What do you mean by pick-up lines?
Nicole: God. I remember this guy approached my friend and I and said, “You guys look like vampires,” because we were wearing black. Then he said, “I’d love to have you suck my blood.” Or something like that, I think I blocked it out. (Laughs) It was pretty bad.
Stylelife: Can you remember a time when a guy approached you in a bar and started a conversation with you, or even ended up on a date with you, because of that interaction?
Nicole: I actually can’t remember one. I’ll think about it, but I can’t think of one right now.
Stylelife: Is sense of humor important to you?
Stylelife: And what does that mean to you?
Nicole: That’s a tough one, because it’s a chemistry thing.
Stylelife: What do you mean by chemistry?
Nicole: It means that your sense of humor just kind of has to align. It’s tough for me to define, because some guys sense of humor is a turnoff, but I’m sure for other girls it would be a turn on.
Stylelife: That’s interesting. What is a turn off sense of humor to you?
Nicole: Well especially when you first meet. Anything that’s crude or crass. Anything about fart jokes or anything like that. It’s just not a good idea in the beginning until you’re very comfortable with each other.
Stylelife: Have you ever met a guy who you were interested in that you had to put in the friend zone later on?
Nicole: Yeah. This guy that I was dating. When we first went out it was fine, but because of the way he was acting it ended up being a turnoff for me, and once I started pulling back he started coming on full on and at that point I wasn’t interested anymore.
Stylelife: What way was he acting?
Nicole: I think he was trying to come across aloof, but he took it too far. Like he would throw in comments about other girls. I think just to show that he wasn’t ready for a relationship or something like that. So then when I backed off he acted like, “I’m just kidding.”
Stylelife: Is there anything he could have done to fix it?
Nicole: Yeah, if he had just been a little more genuine.
Stylelife: Is there anything he could have done after he’d screwed up to solve it?
Nicole: The thing is that once he started really being persistent, I was already seeing someone else. So in that particular situation, no.
Stylelife: He just ran out of time.
Stylelife: Have you ever been friends with someone who you later ended up being in a relationship with or maybe physical with?
Nicole: Not really.
Stylelife: Are there guys who you’re friends with who would have liked to have gone there with you?
Stylelife: Did you ever end up on any dates with them?
Stylelife: So they were kind of friend zoned from the beginning?
Nicole: Yeah and I think that if something were going to happen with a guy it would probably happen initially. They would know that I was interested initially.
Stylelife: Are you very forward when you’re attracted to a guy?
Nicole: I think I make it known.
Stylelife: What are signs that you’re making it known?
Nicole: I think flirtiness? Yeah, I’ll be flirty.
Stylelife: What does flirty mean to you? Like what are some examples of you being flirty?
Nicole: I think compliments. But that’s a tough one because I give my friends compliments too.
Stylelife: Are there specific types of compliments?
Nicole: I think it’s more about the way I give them, I guess.
Stylelife: What does that mean?
Nicole: I don’t know, being more touchy, I guess. Because with a friend I’m not going to be that way.
Stylelife: So there some physical touch involved.
Nicole: Yeah, there is probably going to be more physical touch.
Stylelife: Are there things you do when you flirt that guys aren’t going to pick-up on?
Nicole: I think every time that I’ve wanted a guy to know that I’m interested, I think that he got it.
Stylelife: Did you get every guy that you were out to get?
Nicole: Um. (laughs) Yeah. I think I have! Well, there was one guy who… Well, I think I did get him.
Stylelife: You have to tell that story.
Nicole: This guy I was interested in. We went on a couple of dates. The first date we went on was incredible. And then the second date for some reason was just blah. There was no spark there anymore and I think at that point I was still willing to go out with him again, but at that point I think he had just decided against it.
Stylelife: So what was the difference between the first date and the second?
Nicole: That is a really good question, because the first date we had lots to talk about. We talked until the restaurant closed. The second date just felt like nothing to talk about.
Stylelife: You were just out of things to talk about?
Nicole: I guess we just ran through all of it. I think what happened is that we truly had nothing at all in common. We were going on about a lot of superficial little things. We talked a lot about music a lot about movies and things like that but on a deeper level, after we got through all that stuff there wasn’t much there.
Stylelife: Did it escalate that first night? Did you end up going home together or something like that?
Nicole: No. We made out in the car. That’s all.
Stylelife: Is there anything that you’ve wanted a guy to do romantically on a date that no one’s ever done?
Nicole: It would be nice to be surprised by something. Something totally planned for me that is totally out of the ordinary.
Stylelife: Like what?
Nicole: Anything, plan something like a weekend getaway. Well, I guess that’s beyond dating, that’s like a boyfriend thing. Boys don’t do that on first date.
Stylelife: Well, I’m sure you can find some guy to take you on a weekend getaway on the first date.
Nicole: Yeah, I’m sure. (Laughs). I’m sure. I’m sure. That’s so not appealing.
Stylelife: What’s the sexiest thing a guy has ever done for you?
Nicole: Well sexy and romantic overlap for me.
Stylelife: Have you ever had a one night stand?
Nicole: Good Question. Yeah, but it was a very long time ago. I was only sixteen.
Stylelife: What was the reason for doing it?
Nicole: He was the second guy I’d ever had sex with. Honestly I was excited that I could have sex now. It was just a new thing that wasn’t an option before.
Stylelife: How did it happen was it just a random guy?
Nicole: Just a guy I met at a friend’s house.
Stylelife: Is it something you’d do again if you weren’t dating someone?
Nicole: I wouldn’t necessarily say I would never do it. It doesn’t have that much appeal to me now, but I would never say never about something like that, because I don’t know what kinds of situations I’ll be in.
Stylelife: Is there anything that guys should know about dating, romance or sex that you think they don’t know?
Nicole: I think it’s about striking a balance. Guys don’t seem to know when it’s too much or not enough. I’ve seen a lot of guys early on go overboard with the romantic thing, because they have the idea that that’s what women want. But it’s not necessarily.
Stylelife: What do you mean by overboard on the romantic thing?
Nicole: Too much, too soon. Trying to force a connection that isn’t there or hasn’t been built yet. Guys doing the things that you should do six months into the relationship at the beginning.
Stylelife: Can you give an example?
Nicole: Like writing a poem for a girl, writing songs for a girl. A dozen roses on the first date. Things like that.
Stylelife: What makes a first date interesting?
Nicole: Opening car doors and letting a girl walk first into a restaurant.
Stylelife: Have you ever had to sit down with a guy after a date and tell them what went wrong?
Nicole: No, but I’ve been tempted. I’ve met guys where I was like, “Aww, he needs help. He just needs some help.”
Stylelife: What would you tell them?
Nicole: I have some friends that have not had a lot of different. One of them does what I was saying before about being too romantic. He writes songs for girls he’s just met.
Stylelife: Have you told him this?
Nicole: Yeah, but I haven’t been very blunt about it.
Stylelife: If he learned the art of seduction and all the sudden could meet women would that change your opinion of him?
Nicole: I’d be happy for him.
Stylelife: What if you found out the guy you were dating had to study seduction. That his skills didn’t come naturally. Would that change your opinion of him?
Nicole: I don’t think so. I doubt it.
Stylelife: If you could date anyone real or fictional who would it be?
Nicole: Joaquin Phoenix.
Nicole: Because he’s hot, and incredibly talented. And he’s interesting. He’s a little bit of a different type of actor.
Stylelife: Explain “a different type of actor.”
Nicole: I don’t know. I think he just has a quality about him that I like. And he really knows how to be completely free in his acting. Which is something I admire, too.
Stylelife: What does “free in his acting” mean and how does that translate to attractiveness?
Nicole: I think to be free in your acting you have to be really comfortable with being vulnerable.
Stylelife: So is vulnerability something that’s important to you in a guy you’re dating?
Nicole: Yeah, actually it is.
Stylelife: And what does being vulnerable mean to you?
Nicole: It means allowing yourself to be honest with your emotions, because with a lot of guys… actually with a lot of people, it’s very hard for them to be honest about how they’re feeling about things. And to just be comfortable being yourself and not afraid.
Stylelife: When it comes to guys being more masculine or more feminine is there a preference for you?
Nicole: Well, I don’t like machismo. That’s not a turn on to me. That being said, I like masculinity, I just don’t like machismo.
Stylelife: What’s the difference to you?
Nicole: Machismo is the need to prove that you’re a man. Where guys feel like they can’t look like a pussy around other guys.
Stylelife: What do they do to prove it?
Nicole: Pick fights to show that they’re the biggest. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a strong guy who can stand up for yourself. Like if someone’s picking on you then you shouldn’t be quiet.
Stylelife: A guy who could stand up for you or himself but isn’t overcompensating.
Nicole: Right, because I appreciate being with a guy who I feel safe around.
Stylelife: And is there anything else you’d want guys to know about dating?
Nicole: It’s incredibly important to develop who you are as a person. Get in the habit of learning new things. Pursuing your interests is the best thing you can do to get more attractive.
Stylelife: Thanks for your insights.[box type=”shadow”]If you could ask Nicole any question, what would you it be? What do you want to know? Leave those questions in the comments field below.[/box]
Thanks for taking your time to talk with us. Stylelife usually focuses on men approaching women and what a man could say or do to get your attention…
My question is when you are out in the wild (club, restaurant, work place) what kinds of things do you notice about a man that you don’t know. (One that isn’t glancing at you or offering to buy you a drink.) What makes you interested in a man that you see who isn’t actively engaged in flirting?
Out of all the men you see at the mall, or work, what initially attracts you? What would motivate you enough to approach them? (If not directly, to make sure you ran into them again or gave them a glance or some action that would let you know you were interested.)
I’m asking because I like it when women come up to me — when they approach me and flirt rather than me having to do all the work while they judge if it’s working. I”m often in situations with a lot of women and instead of me picking which one I want to approach, I like to see which of them approach me.
Thanks in advance, Poly