It doesn’t matter if you met her out at a bar or on Tinder: You wish you were better at texting. And why wouldn’t you? It’s 2016 and while texting technology isn’t exactly in its infancy anymore, you have a fraction of the experience with this that you do with talking to girls in the flesh. You can improve your text game, but it starts with a realistic appraisal of your own personal challenges.

We talk to literally tens of thousands of prospective students who are interested in joining the Stylelife Academy. As such, we hear a number of problems that guys have when it comes to texting.

You Don’t Know What To Say

Some guys really excel at knowing what to say via text in a way they can’t out at a bar or club. On the other hand, a lot of guys just can’t seem to come up with anything to say via text.

We believe there’s a very simple solution to this: It all comes down to working on your stack. Think about it: When you’re going through your stack out at a bar or club, you can’t carry around a crib sheet. On the other hand, you can keep a written list next to your bed. You can even keep a list of things to say right on your phone. So if you have trouble knowing what to say, why not try to think of some things in advance?

You’re Not Intriguing Her

Maybe you can come up with things to say. Maybe she even responds to them, but you know that things are going wrong, because you never really meet up and – even when you do – it never gets physical. This is because you’re not grabbing her interest. You’re not exciting her mind, grabbing her and pulling her in. One of the biggest reasons for this is that you’re probably not flirting with her. On the contrary, you’re using texting to talk about TV shows you like, how your day was at work and other mundane topics that would be slightly boring on a date, but are ‘sleeping pills’ via text.

You Don’t Know How to Set Up a Date

The point of texting isn’t more texting. It’s getting her off the phone and in your presence, preferably on a date that she won’t soon forget. Unfortunately, a lot of guys focus too much on their ‘text game’ that they never make the transition from texting to up close and in-person.

Remember to keep your eyes on the prize. The prize is not another text from her. It’s a date that’s going to bring the two of you closer than texting ever will. Flirt with her, but avoid chit chatting and always be thinking about how you’re moving toward the date.

Your Text Dates Always Flake

Are you the guy who gets dates but is always have them cancel? Even worse, do you have dates that don’t show up? Sure, she agrees to giving you her phone number, but the date itself never seems to materialize. What are you doing wrong?

Remember what we said above about how you need to intrigue her? You’re failing to do that. You need to make yourself into a person she’s so curious about that she won’t want to miss out on a good time. You can do this by being interesting, exciting or even ‘mysterious.’ The point is that you need to be so interesting that she’d go out of her way to see you.

Your Texting Makes Her Uncomfortable

On the other hand, there are the guys who come on too strong. The guys who have girls responding at first, but then those responses become “K” and other signs that you’re being awkward, creepy or otherwise making her uncomfortable. That’s a bummer and it can be hard for men to be honest with themselves that that’s what they’re doing. But you have to level with yourself if you’re going to make any improvement.

What you need to do is start paying more attention to her and what she’s into and what she’s not into. When in doubt, take it down a peg. You don’t want to apologize and supplicate, but you do want to make sure she’s comfortable.

Your Text Conversations Slowly Taper Off

You two had a great time and the texting starts off like gangbusters, but what sooner-or-later happens and often sooner rather than later — the texting starts tapering off. You thought things were going great! What happened?

The problem here is that you’re being boring. You’re not increasing your attractiveness. Otherwise, she would want a date as much as you do. ‘You snooze you lose’ and ‘lose’ – in this case – means she stops messaging back, slowly but surely. 

You Don’t Get a Lot of Texts Back

You got her number, so why isn’t she texting you back?

Honestly, the reason is probably that you didn’t create a connection before you got her number. In the beginning, it can pay to play the ‘numbers game’….trying to get as many numbers as you can just to say that you did. Ask yourself if you’re just getting numbers for the sake of getting numbers or if you’re saving your number close for women with whom you’ve made a real connection.